A lot of people1 think I am some mean, unfeeling crow who would happily run over a person without a second thought. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that I am quiet when I meet someone new, and I make the craziest facial expressions that convey utter disdain and hatred. Even my friends say that my “looks” can be rather intimidating and cold. But then once you know me, you realize it’s just a facial expression and I would sooner smother you in kisses than beat you over the head with a mallet.
Granted, I do not much care for people. I am very selective in who I “let in”. It’s like a members only club… and if I don’t like you… I don’t like you. I would seriously be very content living on a deserted island2 without seeing anyone other than my husband and friends until the day I die.3
However, even with that said… and admitting that I really do not like 99% of the people I encounter on a daily basis4 I do have a soft spot for the people I share the planet with.
One of my greatest fears in life5 is fire. Fire freaks me out in ways I can not express. I hate being near it, even if it’s a nice cozy fire, after awhile I will begin to envision a piece of wood rolling out and the entire house being engulfed in flames. I don’t like fireworks, even though they are pretty at times… I don’t like cooking on the grill or anything like that. Gas burning stoves give me a panic attack… lightning sends me into a frenzy.
Last year around Christmas I was driving around one night and could smell burning wood. It was overwhelming to me. In the dark sky, I could see hints of gray. And then we drove by it. A huge house with flames shooting out of it. There was a line of people who had pulled over to look. I had never seen a house on fire before so I insisted we stop so I too could see.
Everyone there was chatting and laughing and pointing and acting like this was normal. Someones life had been destroyed and these people were acting like it was nothing. I decided to leave quickly because I was annoyed and wanted to scream and cry all at the same time.6
Since then I have seen 5 other houses taken by fire within a 10 mile radius of my home. And everytime I pass one of those house, I burst into tears and pray desperately that their lives were spared.7
- who don’t know me [↩]
- the island must have electricity, computer access, satellite, running water, a post office, and a helicopter pad for the helicopter I will never ever ever ride in [↩]
- i love writing letters so those who never want to come to the island can just communicate with me via mail [↩]
- you can blame this attitude on the assholes who cut me off in traffic, idiots who don’t say thank you when you hold the door open for them, the rude waitress who hates her job and thinks it’s ok to take it out on me, the inability to speak to someone in the US when my LOCAL phone service is out, people who ask me “what are you”, anyone who tries to hold me down, and the list goes on and on [↩]
- the greatest one is the inevitable death of my mother [↩]
- I have no idea what the rest of the crowd found enjoyable, but I wanted to puke [↩]
- and that right there lets me know just how human i really am… [↩]
