ex

After my Garrett drama, I took to seriously enjoying my single days. It was some of the most enjoyable times of my High School years. Of course, I had to ruin it by allowing a guy named Paul catch my attention.

Paul was nothing but trouble from the very beginning. He was in my Social Studies class and he would occasionally send me stupid little notes which I ignored.  I really wasn’t interested in him because he had this shadiness about him, and I seriously wasn’t in the mood to deal with any man and his luggage.

You already know what happened… right?

I decided to take on the man… and his luggage… and his mama.

One day I was walking through the school and I heard shouting.  Of course I was curious as to what was going on so I walked into the cafeteria and saw Paul and some girl getting ready to duke it out. He was screaming, and she was antagonizing him. I honestly, and still to this day, have no idea what was going on in there or what led up to it all, but all I know is that this little itty bitty girl decided to say to Paul, “And that’s why yo daddy is dead!” The look on his face told me she was about to die so I grabbed her and drug her crazy ass out of the cafeteria. Paul had some people holding onto him which gave me time to get Miss Itty Bitty to safety.  I asked her if she was crazy and why she would say something like that to him. She shrugged it off and went on her merry way. She and I would later become “friends”  and I could easy write a series called “What To Do When Your Best Friend Is A Back Stabbing Whore Who Sleeps with Every Man You Know and Then Lies To Your Face About It So You Are Forced to Beat Her Ass”…  But that’s neither here nor there.

Anyway, later on that day in class Paul sent me a note and the rest is history. Shortly thereafter we began doing something called dating. Actually, I was dating him, and he was dating the entire town. He wasn’t secretive about it either. And I was young and stupid. I allowed it and didn’t say much about it.

One day he was late picking me up so we could meet up with some friends. I was waiting and waiting and then he finally called. The phone call went something like this:

Him: Hey baby.

Me: Where the hell are you?

Him: On my way. Look, get some alcohol and tweezers ready for me. I’ve got some splinters in my back that I am going to need you to get out.

Me: Um, what?

Him: I was having sex on a bleacher and got some splinters or something in my back. Just have the shit ready. OK?

Me: Ok.

And I did. I got it all ready and actually removed the splinters. No questions asked.  Boy was I stupid.

He wasn’t just fond of sleeping around. He was also a big fan of marking his territory. Every chance he got he would bite me somewhere - usually my face - just for the sake of doing it. My mother used to get so mad at that. I made up excuse after excuse as to what was going on, but she was no idiot.

He and I went through these ups and downs over the years. We’d break up and then make up. I dated other losers (and I will cover them all in due time) during our constant breaks but I was in love with Paul. He was “in like” with me. I think in his own way, he cared but his dick controlled more of him than his heart ever could. I was naïve and just wanted to be there for him… I had Tina Turner syndrome. I didn’t want to be the woman who walked away from him or gave up on him, so I stayed.

I stayed and stayed and stayed some more.

I stayed after he took me to prom and then picked up another woman on the way; Another woman who turned out to be Miss Itty Bitty. I had a fit which did me no good. I was already dressed up and in the car. I asked him what his plans were and he told me she and I could take turns riding in the front seat. I spent the earlier part of the evening pissed until I decided I didn’t need his crap and left without him.

I stayed while he kept on cheating. I stayed after he embezzled thousands of dollars from my parents. I stayed after I got locked up for something he did. And I stayed after the judge told me I was free with only ONE condition…. To stay away from him.

I even stayed after he got another woman pregnant. But that was the end for him. He left me without even so much as a good bye.

And as angry as I was at how it all ended, I was so damn relieved.

Guess what? A few months ago he popped up out of no where declaring he was a new man. He was a better man and ready to make it right. Almost 20 years later!  It’s ok though, because this time, I didn’t stay.

I honestly try to make an effort everyday to post something on my blog. Sadly, I fail at it miserably. I do think about it several times a day and then by the time I get home from work, I’m just like blah. I usually leave for work around 7:30 in the morning and don’t get home until 6:30 or 7. And that’s only if I head straight home.

My after work time usually consists of me answering emails, drooling over new things I want from Amazon.com, checking on other sites I maintain, updating my Flickr account and getting my daily fix from the other blogs I try and read everyday. After I do all that, I’m usually really tired and convince myself that I can post something in the morning. Clearly that never happens. However, I am committed to doing better. I have an awesome group of readers who keep coming back and me only updating every 2-3 days isn’t fair to them.

In other life news, I have been talking to the ex regularly. Not because I want something to happen - because I don’t! - but because even though he was a big loser back then, he’s not necessarily a loser now. (Haha.) I will admit he is a big jerk now, who is very very aggressive but sadly for him I am not that same girl I was all those years ago. On a positive note he is slowly realizing it.

That leads to another bit of news, The girl he got pregnant, and then married, and then had a son with had a bad asthma attack a few days ago. She is now in a coma after her lung collapsed. It’s all very sad. They say she is now brain dead. She was my age. The ex arrived there this morning and they are now preparing to take her off of life support. It’s so strange how I had not heard of her in all these years, and then the ex pops up out of nowhere, and we are discussing her, and all of these feelings come to surface only for her to pass away a few weeks later. Parts of me feel so guilty.

Shortly after I heard all that, I got word that my cousin was sick and in the hospital with a possible brain tumor. Today I’m going to call around and get some more information. I have to say, this is one thing about being distant from family that gets to me. I’m usually the last to know just about everything. If it weren’t for my mother, I’d be completely in the dark.

Anyway…

Something else that’s kind of newsworthy is that I braved all my insane neurotic body dysmorphic issues and joined 365 Days on Flickr. I absolutely hate having my picture taken, and with this group you have to take a picture of yourself every day for a whole year. You can take a picture of anything, as long as its YOU. So, a finger or toe would work. However, I am so determined to “get over myself” and take these pictures. I spend what feels like hours overanalyzing every single shot, hating every single one, pointing out every imperfection… it’s torture!! I’m on day 10, and I probably have taken over 500 hundred pictures of my goofy face. I’m trying really hard to fight the urge to take a picture of my pinky. Of course, knowing me, I’d find something wrong with that.

Now, do not confuse my utter hatred of pictures of myself as me not having self confidence because I have that coming out of every pore. No one can now or ever tell me that I’m not a badass. However, I don’t like how my badassness looks on camera.