boyfriends

As most of you know by now, my ex boyfriend past has been peppered with idiot scumbag losers who all mostly deserve to be left on a deserted island for some vultures to find and dine on.

Amazingly enough I do have some decent men in my past. Some nice guys who…

Ok, no I don’t. Even the “nice” ones turned into assholes eventually. For example, I was in lust with this one guy forever and a day. I would sit in church and drool over him. When he looked at me, I think my insides melted. I paid more attention to the back of his head than I did to what the pastor was talking about. After years of me silently lusting after him, he found out and… well I am not going to tell you… I will save his drama for another day. BUT, I will tell you that he ended up breaking up with me via a letter. And it wasn’t a very nice letter either. I still have the letter too… The letter where he compared me to a used car that he loved but it would be more affordable to just buy a new car instead of spending money to “repair” his precious used car. What an idiot.

Now where was I?

MySpace.

MySpace has to be one of the stupidest inventions ever. I don’t understand it. I don’t see the appeal of using it.. and 99% of the page designs look like trash and you can’t read anything on them. Bright colors, goofy backgrounds. I can not stand it!

But more so than the ugly pages, I hate it because it’s like a portal to my past - not that I am trying to run from it. But if there is a bobo I would prefer to never hear from again, he will indeed find me on MySpace. This weekend, another one surfaced… not so much a loser, just a faded memory.

His name rhymes with Moose¹ and he had the most beautiful blue eyes and the softest pink lips. We never really dated, but every now and then, in my attempt to act like a slut, I would let him kiss me. His mouth was perfection to me² … and his kisses sent me into a dream-like trance. I don’t even remember how we began our kissing adventures, but I didn’t mind it at all.

The climax of our kissing adventures happened during summer school one year when my mother felt I needed to find something to do other than spending my summer at home in front of the TV. If only she knew what I was actually spending my summer doing… because it certainly wasn’t learning.

He and I would meet after classes and make out until our next class. We would meet up again after school until it was time to head home. And then, just as quickly as it all began the summer ended and so did we.

I would occasionally see him around town and we’d wave at each other. Eventually I moved away and that was the last I saw of him. Until last night. On MySpace.³

I didn’t even think he knew my last name.

I guess it’s moments like this that I feel my most flattered. To think that something that happened so long ago would still be in his mind. That I would be on his mind.  I was his summer girlfriend. That’s it. We didn’t even go to the same school! But for some reason he decided to reach out and say hey..

I really hope he’s the last one.

1. or goose, choose, use [↩]
2. whatever perfection was at 15 yrs old [↩]
3. the very first thing I did was look to see if he still had those perfect lips. [↩]

I usually, actually I always, keep a little notebook with me to jot down the ideas for my posts. While it is true that everything I write about is 100% true, sometimes the memory of something hits me as I am sitting in my car waiting to speak to someone in English.

Even with my little book of notes, today I am having a massive case of writers block. I want to write about something, yet nothing triggers in me. I start and stop, start and stop and end up with nothing. I have gone through the pages, and still nothing… but yet that nagging voice is still yelling at me to WRITE SOMETHING!! But what can I write?

I have literally been sitting here with my Wordpress dashboard open for over 8 hours. And still nothing. Nagging voice still won’t shut up.

And then I saw it. Right there on my dashboard.

As I was preparing to add some more links to my blogroll, I saw the words “boyfriend peed on me”. Someone found my blog by googling “boyfriend peed on me”. Have I ever blogged about that? Are men doing things to me that I am not aware of? Is this happening while I am sleeping? I sure as shit hope not.

Anyway, along with that delicious gem I discovered:

• thank you for being my first love¹
• jillian the whore²
• i like being stupid³
• yes i am a racist⁴
• poo poo pee pee⁵
• xxx pics place renae⁶
• peed down my legs⁷
• how to lose your loser boyfriend⁸

So, there you have it. Clearly I have been writing about some pretty interesting things. I might have to switch things up a bit and start writing more about flowers and babies.

1. awww, you are so very welcome! sadly, i do not think you were mine though [↩]
2. i actually like the two girls i know named jillian so i really hope i wasn’t the one calling either of them a whore [↩]
3. um, no the hell i don’t [↩]
4. glad you can admit it… and oh, you should know that even if you have one person you know who is black, it does not mean you are not still a racist [↩]
5. what in the good name of all things holy are you googling that for???? [↩]
6. you are going to have to look elsewhere for that buddy… not now or ever will you see any xxx pics of me [↩]
7. i don’t want to know what or who was peeing down your legs, but you need to be more careful [↩]
8. very easily, dump his sorry ass [↩]