OMG! It’s here!!

• Author: Monique
• Filed under: blog stuff, life, personal, questions
• Date: Jun 23,2008

I finally got to my 100th post… something I should have achieved a month - if not two - ago, but somehow life totally got in the way.

I’m at work right now, on a Monday morning, with not a lick of make up…. so very unlike me lately since you know, I’m now a “beauty consultant” (ROFL) and I always have to put my best foot forward. Hell, I didn’t even comb or curl my Chaka Khan ‘do this morning. I look a hot mess. I have a Mary Kay meeting this evening, so I’m thinking for lunch, I am going to go home and paint on my face so I can at least look semi decent for the meeting. I work every Monday so I show up at these meetings looking like I rolled out of bed after a night of heavy drinking and sex, maybe even throw in some drugs and sporting the same clothes and make up I had on the night before. Meanwhile the rest of the women look like they have come straight from the salon with their perfect make up and hair, wearing suits or dresses.

Oh, I’m the only non-Caucasian in the bunch. I can’t forget to mention that. So of course, the fact that they are in suits and I’m in some khaki’s and crap ass polo shirt really sticks out.

Anywho… I shall now begin to answer the questions people submitted for this grand occasion. I have sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many of them… I don’t even know how the hell I am going to pull this off. I am thinking maybe answer them all over the course of the week maybe? That way this post won’t be 72 pages long. Yeah, that’s a good idea.

So, here we go.

• Mamaflo asked:

How long after you starting dating (your husband), did you decide HE’S THE ONE? It is afterall the woman that decides this…heeeehheee

Well, honestly, I did not like him when I must him. LOL. He was a dork, and I wasn’t plus there was a variety of other things that kind of made me think it wasn’t going to work. However, as I got to know him over the course of a few weeks, it become very clear to me that I was falling very much in love with him and wanted didn’t want to be away from him for even a second.

• Roger asked:

How did you become so damn sexy?

Hahahahahahaha… It’s just what I do. People tell me sexy is a state of mind, and no matter what size I am, or how stupid I feel on the inside, I do my best to never display it on the outside. I will have you believing that I think I look damn good when I am out with no make up, bedroom slippers and a vintage jogging suit on. If I don’t believe in me, who else will?

• Jillian asked:

How did you and your husband meet and if any, what trials did you (or are you) facing as an interracial couple?

Well, we met on the interweb (as my mother calls it). It’s been a very long and hard road to overcome mainly because I had experienced a life of racism, and when you bring someone into it who hasn’t, it becomes problematic. It starts to take a toll on you at times because you look crazy because you see it and feel it in places, and meanwhile they are oblivious to it. I’m lucky to have a very supportive husband who was willing to open his eyes a little wider than usual and step into my shoes. And these problems just don’t come from strangers, but family as well. His family certainly didn’t want him with someone chocolaty and delicious like me. And even my own family has had its apprehensions when it came to me being with him. But at the end of the day, this is my life and I have to do what’s going to make me happy. With or without the support of family.

• Anonymous asked:

What’s it like to be fat?

I actually like it. Once upon a time, I was an anorexic girl who had no concept of what it was like to just live for myself. I was hellbent on being like everyone else… including being bone thin like so many of the models back in the day. I spent my days nibbling on lettuce and my nights exercising until I could barely move. I thought I was awesome… until I heard the whispers that I looked like I had AIDS. That really was a wake up call for me… And frankly, it pissed me off because here I was busting my ass to look that “good” and then all the credit was going to a disease I didn’t even have?

It’s very hard for me to look at pictures of myself back then… and I much more happy just being ME. And me can be whatever size I want to be! Besides, I have never had a man complain about my size… and even though I’m taken, and sporting a pretty nice rock, they still step to me and ask for my number. So yeah, I’m loving who I am.

• Trina asked:

Do you ever feel having been adopted is the reason you gravitated towards the bad boys and your bad habits?

Unlike most people I know who are adopted, as a child I never longed to know who my birth parents were. It wasn’t an issue for me. Plus, for as long back as I can remember, I have always known I was adopted. My mother used to always tell me “You were chosen, and that makes you so special”. I recall sitting around daydreaming that Irene Cara was my birth mother which was pretty comical because it wasn’t a desire to meet her… it was more of a “wow factor” for me. She was a cool lady on TV and I related to her singing and dancing on Fame.

As far as I was concerned and still am concerned, the woman who raised me is my one and only mother. There is no one else who can take her place… and no one else that matters in my opinion. She did a superb job raising me. And we had a very typical relationship full of ups and downs.

In the end, I am a product of my upbringing, and a lot of my issues are directly related to life at home. My father created the path towards me being a demented looney who was very subconscious about body image. I don’t even think he was aware of what he was doing. In his attempt to be helpful, he made me feel less than worthy. Same goes for my men issues. I saw women in my family tolerating things from their husbands and boyfriends that I now know were not ok. But as a teen, I didn’t know any different. So to see that cheating was ok, I just assumed the first time I was hit that that was ok… and it just went on from there. Thankfully I figured shit out before I spent 40 years with someone who made me miserable.

And that’s all for today.

You can still submit questions until Friday and have them answered. Do it in comments or send me an email. I’m answering everything!!!

Hic… Pass Me More Champagne Please

• Author: Monique
• Filed under: life, questions
• Date: Mar 19,2008

I am not a drinker and I have never done drugs. The worst I’ve done was sit in the room while a boyfriend smoked a joint and I swear I was doing my best to hold my breath.

When I was younger, my mother was quit candid with me about drugs and alcohol. I saw the addicts on the street corners in the city and knew I never wanted to be like that. I watched family members smoke away dreams and goals. I watched friends and family die horrible deaths due to substance abuse. So, I never touched the stuff…

Ok that’s a lie.

Many moons ago, I was at a party with some friends. We were having a very nice basement party. My friends were boozing it up and I was  sitting around being an angel. A friend of mine asked me if I wanted a drink and I said no thanks. She asked a few more times insisting it wasn’t too bad and that I would enjoy it. I caved and took a sip, and then another, and then another.

It was something called Cisco I believe, and tasted like delicious kool-aid. I can’t tell you how much I drank, but I was slamming that shit. Yummmy. My friends cautioned me to slow down, but I didn’t listen.

I woke up the next day, face down on the floor with the worst damn headache ever and vowed to be done with the hooch forever and ever.

About five years later, I won a $75 certificate to Olive Garden so I took a friend of mine for a casual night out. The plan was for me to use a part of the certificate and save some for another day. To my surprise, they told me I had to use it all up on that day or void it forever. I am not sure what I was thinking but I was determined to use all $75 worth, and the only way to do that with two people was to spend it on liquor.

And so I did… on a very empty stomach. They had these cheap mini bottles of champagne that I chugged as if I were at a frat party. It was horrific.

I will tell you it wasn’t a pretty night. And that I never returned to that Olive Garden again. The little that I do recall involved me dancing on a chair, singing along to their elevator music and attempting to slay people with a breadstick. The staff was very kind and laughed at me a lot which was really nice when I was wasted. As I filled my body with food, and reality began to set in I was mortified.

Since then I have stuck to having my 1-2 drinks when I’m out. The recurring memories of my drunkeness have kept me pretty sober and I like that! I never ever want to feel that stupid again.

Last night I watched A&E’s Intervention. The focus was on this alcoholic who was in absolute denial. He insisted he had no problem, that at best he had 2 glasses of alcohol a day, and that he didn’t even do it every day. His liver was in complete failure and he looked like he was on his death bed. In the end he went for treatment, and stayed for the 30 days but was asked to leave due to his refusal to admit he had a problem.  I think he was on of the worst cases I have ever seen. He was the real life version of Leaving Las Vegas and it was so very sad.

The closing update informed us that he passed away.

I don’t understand addiction. I honest to God do not get it. I want… no, I need someone to explain it to me. I’m not trying to be funny, I just want to understand what drives someone to keep taking that drink… or even the first step to trying crack or worse. I hate how I feel after I even take Nyquil. I can’t stand prescription drugs because I can’t stand not being in control of myself.

So what exactly makes drugs and alcohol appealing?

You Don’t Love Me? That’s Ok.. I’ll Make You.

• Author: Monique
• Filed under: questions
• Date: Mar 18,2008

I have many female friends, and even sisters who are in these ridiculous relationships with men who don’t want the same thing from life that they do… but yet, they don’t leave because they have this delusion that they can change him.

As we all  know, I am the queen of stupid relationships, but I can honestly say that I have never been with a man who I thought I could change. Fix him maybe… be the one person who sticks by him through his tantrums perhaps… but I never wanted to change them.

One of my sisters - and I am sure she will hate me telling all her business like this but oh well -has been a relationship with a guy for over five years now. She got pregnant about a year into the relationship and he was not happy at all. He stuck around, told her that was it, no more kids. He also told her several other things he did not want from the relationship. He’s a rare one, who laid it all out on the table so she would know what she was getting into. I told her a long time ago, his desires were not her desires so she needed to be careful. She insisted it was something they could “work on”. Fast forward five years, and they are now married. She wants another child and to move out of the city. Two things he has said no to for as long as I have known him. She is now blowing up my phone all upset because he won’t compromise and I am a bad sister for not taking her side.

Why in the world would you want to have ANOTHER child with someone who didn’t want one to begin with? And why should I encourage it when I know better?

Is there a shortage of men or something? And if so, is it that great that women must now settle for less than what they want?

I know a girl who is trying to get pregnant in hopes that her boyfriend will marry her. What the hell is that about? Why would you want to tie a man down who doesn’t want to be there to begin with?

When a man tells you he never wants to get married, never wants children and that’s ALL you want, why would you  continue in the relationship? Maybe it’s just me. I don’t get it.