Originally published at Blogging Monique Renae. Please leave any comments there.
This week came and went without me acknowledging my 50,000th visitor. It was something I was so excited about and then as I blinked and got caught up by the world around me, it passed. So, whoever you were, thank you!! I am fast approaching my 2500th comment so I am going to have a little contest and give away something worth some money.1
Anyway, a few months ago when I was getting my tattoo I decided to venture out into downtown Dallas for a bit with my friends. Even though I am merely 34 (I know I know.. you can say it, I only look 24) I don’t get out as much as I would like to.2
Here in Dallas they have condom stores.3 It’s like wow, do people really engage in that much sex in North Texas that they need specialty condom stores? People just can’t go into the local Wal-Mart or Target and grab a few? I guess not.
I should have known better than to go into the store. Nothing good ever comes of me trying to be adventurous. Nothing good ever comes of me trying to be nosy… and nothing good ever comes of me trying to pretend to be hip and cool. But, I went in anyway.
There was a lot more in the store than condoms…4
As we were leaving, I noticed they had a ton of candy on the counter. I thought absolutely nothing of it other than “Wow, I can buy some gum before I go!” I took out some cash and noticed they had some Pop Rocks as well and grabbed several packs. I LOVE Pop Rocks and they are very hard to find here. With that thought in mind, I grabbed several more packs.
The cashier gave me a puzzling look, and I smiled. He then said to me “You want that many of them?” I laughed thinking that maybe he thought I was fat enough and really did not need to add sugary candy to my already horrific diet.
And then my friend J chimed in…
Her: Girl, you like pop rocks?
Me: Yessssss. I love them.
Her: You use them a lot?
Me: (confused but not caring) I guess you could say so… whenever I can find them.
DH: REALLY?
Me: (even more confused) What do you mean really? You know I like pop rocks!
Her: Damn girl. What do they feel like?
Me: (getting annoyed) Like [bleeping] Pop Rocks… what else would they [bleeping] feel like? They are pop rocks!!
Cashier: I’ve never tried them.
Me: Oh you should, it’s a really neat sensation.
By now, other people were looking at us, and its turned into some circus show of me buying candy. I pay for my new stash of goodies and start to head out of the store when the DH grabs me and says, “You don’t know what that’s for do you?” and starts laughing.
He then gets in the car and tells J that I didn’t know what they were for. I kept repeating, “They are for eating! They are Pop Rocks!!!”
And then they told me. The candy in the store is there to provide “assistance” for certain pleasures. Especially the Pop Rocks and Rain-Blo gum.
I could have died.
As word spread through my inner crowd about my candy ignorance more and more people laughed at me.
I was now paranoid about buying candy. I would go into a store and act like I was in the middle of a drug deal. I’d look away from the cashier, pay with cash to avoid it being tracked back to me, sometimes I’d even put on sun glasses.
Finally, I realized I was being an idiot. Not everyone thought certain candies were meant for THAT did they?
Well, last week I went to Wal-Mart and ventured into the Halloween candy section to find my beloved Pop Rocks. I grabbed 3 bags and went to check out.
Male Cashier: Wow, we have these here?
Me: Yes.
Cashier: In this store?
Me: Yes.
Cashier: In the Halloween section?
Me: Yes.
Cashier: Really?
Me: Yes.
Cashier: You got a lot!! That’s kind of… funny…
Me: Why?
Cashier: Because, you know what they say….. oh nevermind.
Me: Oh my gawwwwwwwd! Dude, these are for effing EATING! I am going to EAT them. SOLO. In my MOUTH.
Cashier: Yeah… (laughs)
And he kept on laughing until I left.
Soooooooo, I think I am done with the Pop Rocks. At the least the part where I buy them in the store.
Instead, I will order them online, anonymously, and have them sent to a PO Box that no one can track back to me.
- and it won’t be Entrecard credits either [↩]
- actually that’s not even true… I get out of as often as I want to. I just don’t care to be in the craze of everyday life in Downtown Dallas so I avoid going there as much as possible. [↩]
- you see them everywhere with ridiculous names like Condom Sense and Condoms to Go [↩]
- they had a bit of everything which made the visit 100 times funnier for me. we walked around and laughed at the different items they had. some of it made me realize I live amongst a lot of deranged and freaky people. but for the most part, it was a ton of fun, and very very interesting since I had not been in one those store in over 10 years. [↩]
