This morning on the radio, they were asking listeners to call in with their “oh crap” moments, and since I have a laundry list full of them I could have called and kept them entertained for hours. Instead, I have decided to share some of my utter humiliation here for all of you to enjoy and laugh at me.
About 10 years ago, I was staying with my parents while DH went through Air Force basic training. It was a rocky few months because my dad and I totally bumped heads about almost everything.1 When basic training ended, DH came down to pick me up so we could move into our new home. I was rather relieved to be leaving and was in a big rush to pack up everything and go. We were shoving stuff into the U-Haul like crazy and forgot a few items here and there that ended up just getting shoved into random boxes.
The very last item I grabbed was a vibrator I had gotten as a gift from some friends. I guess they felt I needed some company while DH was away. I had no where to put it because the truck was closed up and we were getting ready to hit the road. I had a Blockbuster bag sitting next to my purse so I took the movies out and put the toy in there.
I ended up handing the movies and the bag to DH, who for reasons unknown ended up putting the movies in the truck but took the bag back inside.
As we were saying our goodbyes, I saw the Blockbuster bag on the counter. It was like one of those slow motion moments… I went to grab the bag and put it outside but right as I was grabbing it, my dad got it.
Him: You want me to take these movies back for you?
Me: Um, no that’s ok.
Him: It’s right on the way to work for me Nikki, I can do it tonight.
Me: No.. really… I got it.
Him: What movies did you get anyway?
He then proceeds to open the bag and saw there were no movies, but something else. I was seriously hoping the floor would open up and swallow me but of course, I was not that lucky.
He pulls out the vibrator…
Him: What is this Nikki?
Me: Um, oh…. It’s…. Well…. a neck massager??
At the moment, he turns it on and begins to rub it across his neck. He then decides my mom needs a massage too. And then himself some more. All while me and DH are standing there looking like we are witnessing a murder. Shock, awe, disgust.. It was horrifying.
Him: This is a weird massager.
Her: Yeah, it’s not very good.
Him: What do you need this for?
Me: …
Her: Are you sure it’s a neck massager? My neck doesn’t feel any better.
I could have died.
Thankfully, DH snapped out of it, grabbed the toy, shoved it back in the bag and announced we were running late and needed to hit the road.
After robotically hugging everyone and getting into the U-haul I think it took me a good 10 minutes before I could actually form words. Ewwwwwwwwwwww.
We swung by Blockbuster and dropped off the movies…
And in the trashcan outside of it, we dropped that vibrator.
PS – The “toy” had never been used, simply removed from its packaging . But still.. ewww.
- and still do [↩]
{ 57 comments… read them below or add one }
And they never figured out what it was? OMG!
Oh, that is freaking hilarious. I can just see you two, standing there with your jaws on the floor as your mom and dad rub your vibrator all over their bodies. GAH!
That reminds me of an older gent I used to work with. He used what I SWEAR was a woman’s standard vibrator on his neck. At work, in front of everyone. We didn’t even try not to laugh in his face. WTF?
JD at I Do Thingss last blog post..I Get Free Stuff so you don’t have to
I got a healthy laugh from this post. Great!
feefifotos last blog post..What Do You Know About Halloween?
OMG. That was way too funny. The garbage was the only place that vibrator could have ended up. There is no way you could have used it without thinking of that moment. *shudder*
haleyhughess last blog post..Tea* Cup meme
Oh, that just cracked me up. And, I needed to laugh hysterically this morning….
watterroses last blog post..Rodeo Country Quilters –What A Find!
@ Regina – If they did, they sure never shared the knew found knowledge with me. lol.
@ JD – Definitely was once of the worse things I have seen in my lifetime.
@ feefifoto – I am glad you were able to get a laugh from it
@ Haley – Tell me about it. They pretty much ruined the pleasure factor when it comes to any sex toy. Nothing like having a flashback of your parents when you are trying to “get busy”.
@ waterrose – I am glad you got a laugh, and I hope your day gets better for you. {{{{hug}}}}
Sometimes the generation gap is a really, really good thing!
LMAO!! funniest thing I’ve read all day. You poor girl, I would have died a thousand times over of both embarrassment and later from laughing.
chat blancs last blog post..I’m on a rampage
OMG! I would’ve died… Of course, my dad would know what it is , and come up with some totally dirty joke to go along with it… Leave it up to him.. LOL
wow, how embarrassing, but oh so funny too.
My dad would have known what it was too, and would have said something horrible. I am not sure what would be worse.
Carolines last blog post..Frustrated
Oh. My. God. I am SO glad for you that your parents had no idea what it was…I’m guessing it was one of the “normal” looking ones…not the “realistic” looking ones, lol. Wouldn’t that have been even better?!
Athenas last blog post..I’m not giving back the jeans, so screw you karma
ROFL, this is soooo funny. LOL I’m still laughing. Okay, man I was hoping the ground would open up and swallow you too.
I would not have be able to face anyone after that, but I guess they didn’t know. LOL. A neck massager. ROFL. Talk about being mortified.
I would have to beat my well-meaning friends with it though.
@ Jacqueline – YES! it is …
@ chat – Somewhere inside of me I’m still dying.
@ Mommy – I think if my father had know what it was, he would have made equally disturbing jokes as well.
@ Caroline – I don’t know which would have been worse, but I do get a little comfort from him not knowing what it was.
@ Athena – NOOOOOOOOOO! no it wouldn’t have been better! LOL He probably would have written a news letter to the whole family.
@ Natural – LOL thanks. My survival is due to the fact that I didn’t have to go through it alone. I had someone else there to share in the humiliation (thanks Hubby!).
OMG!!! LMAO!!! Oh, this is getting emailed ALL around, my dear. Freaking cracked me up. I’m sorry for your hell, but thank you for making me laugh at the end of yet another horrible day at the salt mines. Good lord, I’m still laughing…..
It’s just like one of those Ben Stiller moments where you just want it to end but you can’t stop laughing! Good idea to throw it out. How embarrassing!
Got here because Kathy shared this on Twitter !
LMAO ! I can only imagine but I’d never want to be there ! Atleast it did not look like the real thing.
Freakin hysterical!!!!! I bet that time seemed to stand still while you watched your parents fondle it so innocently. Ug.
@ Kathy – You know, this world we live in is SO small. I am envisioning this somehow getting back to my parents and them discovering the real reason DH and I looked so terrified that day. lol.
@ LJP – There was no way I could even think to keep it… even having it near me for the small trip to the Blockbuster was traumatizing.
@ Jaffer – Yes, for that I am realllllly thankfully. I can’t even begin to imagine their reaction had it looked like the real thing.
@ Ann – Yup. It was only about 5 minutes of them testing the different speeds and rubbing it on their necks and back but for me, it felt like hours!
I almost laughed so hard I peed my pants. Then, I almost died in anguish for you!
hahahaha THIS. This is why I am organised when I pack and it is one of the first things I pack when I’m moving!! So that I can avoid embarrassing moments like this! LOL Because my parents would absolutely know what it was! You poor thing!
Ah, you must never have seen Parenthood. It’s an “electric ear cleaner.”
Oh no! OMG! How horrifying!
Here’s what I kept thinking in my sick mind…if your Dad found out what it was, he couldn’t have jumped in the shower fast enough to scrub the bahjeezus out of his neck!
Thanks for letting us laugh at your expense!
I don’t buy them often. I was given one after the divorce and then thought I’d try to find one I actually liked. No luck. I had a few sent to me when I wrote for an adult site. I guess I’m past thinking there was anything eww about them. But, it does seem odd your Dad couldn’t figure out what it was. He sees something a lot like it every day after all.
That was hilarious…whatta visual!
How embarrassing, bet you couldn’t look at another one without thinking of the folks.
@ Jazzy – LOL!!
@ fragile – I am usually very organized at home… but since I was staying with them, it was close to impossible to find a place for everything.
@ Eden – No, I haven’t seen it… and I doubt my parents have either.
@ Margaret – I think had it been a “not so new one” I might have reacted a little faster… who knows. I was in so much shock I probably would have still stood there watching them.
@ Laura – The eww isn’t vibrator related… (I am no sexual prude.) However, having my dad stand there rubbing a sex toy on his neck and then on my mother was bit much for me.
And granted, I haven’t seen my dads “business” but I am almost certain (or at least I am hoping) his isn’t a blue-zebra-striped-8-inch-bullet.
@ windryridge – Imagine being there.. ugh.
@ Mik – It took a while to get past it. And every now and then I will get a flashback of the two of them standing there looking crazy as they tried it out.
That is as good as it gets!
You go girl!
And thanks for sharing.
Ha! Ha! Ha!
(I’m going to have to tell my wife, “Did you read this?”
what an experience. . . u make me laugh
Oh. My.
I gasped. I put my hand over my mouth. I grimaced.
I kept reading. Said “Oh God,” a couple of times.
Almost died when you said he used it on your MOTHER!
Wow, that would have won the radio contest hands down.
Thanks for laugh!
hi! nice blog as always! dropped my EC again here! i’ve also added u to my favorites in technorati! tc!^_^
And again, Monique you have made my day – thank you!
@ PaulsHealthBlog – No, thank you for stopping by
@ mdtm – Thank you
@ cardiogirl – Maybe I should have called the radio station instead of putting it on this here blog for the world to see.
@ janmck – Awww, thank you
@ Andrew – Well, you know, I do try!
Oh Dear Lord!!!! That’s a scene you would see in a movie!
I haven’t seen a vibrator yet so I can’t react but..this is really funny and..embarassing if I am in your shoes lol!
ROTFLMMFAO!
HA!
I was giving my dad the ‘grand tour’ of my first tiny apartment; the girls at work had given me some flavored lubricant ‘play set’ as a wedding gift/joke and, not knowing what to do with it, I shoved it in the sewing cabinet where I keep my rubber stamping supplies. My stepmother pulled open that drawer (why? oh, why?) and we all stood in gape-mouthed horror and looked at my grape and strawberry ‘joy jelly’. She closed the drawer without a word and I prayed for death.
That is TOO funny! I felt my own stomach tightening as you were telling the story imagining the horror!
I helped a friend move a few years ago. We were almost finished when she asked me to put a bag that was from a local sex toy store into the front seat. I said, no you put it there yourself, I’m not touching your toys. She said, no those are just important papers. The toys were in the Blockbuster bag you already put in the truck!
EW! They were enclosed in plastic, but still EW!
Let this serve as a warning to all! Blockbuster bags = sex toys!
~Kelly
http://www.30somethingandsearching.today.com/
Hahahahaha!!!!!
OMG you are sooooo “special”. LOL I love this post. I would have dropped dead and had to be buried over this.
Please stop by my blog. I have something for you.
Thanks,
-Shae
That reminds me of the time when my dad helped me move out of my dorm room and the box he picked up broke from the bottom and about a dozen condoms fell out of the box. I was mortified. He said well, at least you’re protected.. I freaking died from embarrassment. I’ll never forget that moment.
-You sure know how to make someone laugh.. I needed a good laugh too.. Thanks!
THANK YOU!!!!! I really needed a good laugh today.
This was hilarious. I thought that kind of stuff only happened in the movies. BTW, you are one of my Entrecard favorites, so I’ll visit often.
That was so funny. Had your parents not seen one before? I think the worse part of that situation was that your dad actually took it and used it on his neck. Discovery was bad enough but to actually use it was wow. I definitely don’t blame you for trashing it.
LOL I didn’t mean to make you explain yourself to me dear! I remember that you are like me (slightly OC hehe) – I think I was just ‘reacting’ when I wrote that comment!
Wait a second. Let me get this straight.
You told that story on the RA-DI-O?!?!?!
I hope they weren’t asking for your name or anything. And I hope your dad doesn’t live in the same town as you.
Sort of gives new meaning to “Pick up your toys and put them away where they belong,” right? Did your dad ever tell you THAT?
I think I’d have died on the spot. That is so stinkin’ funny! I’d have just died.
You threw it away?!? That poor vibrator!!! You know, you could have used that with DH ^-^
Just dropping by! Nice to meet you!
~Sin
Oh, thank you for my daily dose of funny. You write well and I really got a visual. Ewwwwww!
Oh my FLIPPIN’ goodness I got a good laugh outta that one! ROFLMAO
oh honey… you poor thing
ROFL!!
thank you SO much for sharing that….
LOL!!!
Reminds me of a scene in American Pie.. Crazy You!
LOL
Over the past month or so, I’ve become a regular reader of your blog. I’ve chuckled to myself while reading many of your blog posts, but this one really had me roaring.
I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve shared it with some co-workers.
Hello. Where is Part II? There has to be a sequel.
Nice job.
@ Rae – Sadly, it would be.
@ Manilenya – How could you not have seen one?
@ Angelika – I knew you would would enjoy laughing at my misery. lol
@ Shield – LOL. Why did you put it there?? I definitely would have died.
@ Kelly – It really is a good sturdy bag to throw those things in.
@ Shae – I am not sure I really want to be “special”… I kind of would prefer to never have had this happen.
@ Lisa – Considering I was married, I think the condoms might have worked out a little better for me. Of course, who knows with my whacky parents.
@ Castocreations – You are welcome!!
@ Sonya – awww thank you.
@ ImitationAngel – My parents are modern yet old fashiony. So, whereas I expected them to know what it was once they saw it, it didn’t surprise me that they didnt. If that made ANY sense, lol.
@ fragile – Oh girl, I was just answering your comment!! {{{hug}}}
@ Carol – No, I didn’t share it on the radio. I instead decided to share it here. I don’t know why… lol
@ Sins Secret – Ewwww. There is no possible way for me to even have ever enjoyed it with flashes of my parents “massaging” their necks and backs with it. Even now, 10 years later, I still am creeped out by it.
@ Noreena – Thank you
@ Monica – I do what I can. I am ok with my trauma bringing joy to others. lol
@ Ana – lol
@ Terry – Well welcome!! And I am glad you stopped lurking and spoke up!
Monique, thanks for the laugh. I almost spit my orange juice on the keyboard!
This has to be the funniest story ever. I cannot believe they actually used it. Ummm had you used it? Good grief!
yeah, really I haven’t yet. I’m not kidding.
Oh. Gad. Died. I would have died right then and there…
this is the funniest freeking story I have ever read. I think I just peed a little in my pants.
you have the best Most Embarassing Stories. EVER.
This was one great story! Thank you for sharing. When I was younger my cousin who was 8 at the time used to pull out his mom’s vibrator all the time. I don’t why he did. At the time I had no idea what it was. But now that I grew up man… I don’t look at my aunt the same way.