I am sure that from the pictures I have posted you can not tell, but I have big boobs. In fact, they are too big. I often dream of having breast reduction surgery, but I made the mistake of watching it done and so I am forever traumatized with the images of what I saw. It wasn’t pretty.
My mom had it done… she looks amazing now and she says it worked out well for her. But, the moment I even begin considering it I instantly get flashbacks of the documentary. I wonder if they provide counseling for these kinds of issues. Well this one and my many others.
Anyway, the reason I am back considering it is because it is damn near impossible for me to even have a meal these days without half of it ending up on my chest or lost somewhere in my massive cleavage. It’s pretty damn annoying.
Drinking anything from a fast-food cup requires some kind of secret yoga/Kama Sutra move. I have to make sure to hold the cup high enough but avoid tilting it because tilting always leads to spillage, which never looks good when I am in public. And I never spill a little. It’s always some long stream of sticky whateverness running down and over the mounds.
Crumbs are also fun. They fall and land right there. They don’t drop to my pants or the floor. Nope, that would be too much to ask for. And whenever I am out, whoever I am with has the distinct pleasure of pointing out everything I have missed while trying to brush it off. Of course, there is also a science behind how to brush since the items are not falling straight down. I have to put a little force behind it to give the crumbs some momentum for the trip. Sometimes I have to do this crazy rubbing motion which can look really bad if seen by the wrong person. Hell, it can look bad even if seen by the right person.
A friend of the crumbs would have to be the sauces. Ketchup especially loves to leap out of food and directly onto my chest area. It must know it is damn near impossible to remove while out and about so I get to either: a) leave it there on display or b) create some massive wet spot so it looks like I had a mishap while breastfeeding.
My cleavage likes to engulf things too. Nothing is more fun than removing my bra at the end of a long day and going “oh, there’s that piece of popcorn!”
I honestly don’t get why women get huge implants. Seriously, it’s annoying having these things. Granted, in my youth it was sexy but after 27 they turned into nothing but mountains of trouble.
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I have seen some of those documentaries as well and I just thank God that I am not a candidate for that surgery. Not even close. I suppose you could say my crumbs always end up on my thighs.
So no help here, only empathy. I know only one woman (from work about 12 years ago) who had it done and like your mother she was so happy after the fact.
It’s a tough call.
I *suppose* you could use one of those lobster bibs, if it got really, really bad and you were really, really desperate. But something tells me you’ll never feel that desperate.
cardiogirls last blog post..Ina Garten why do you do this to me?
Shout wipes work really well for the sauces and the wet spot they create evaporates pretty quickly, so you’re not looking too dumb for long.
Just give yourself some time — in my case, the boobs slid sideways at 50 and although the exercise I’m doing is making them point more forward again, they’re not as big as they were in my 30’s.
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Margarets last blog post..Stayin Alive
I’m glad I don’t have that problem! I never realized big ones could be so much trouble.
Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”s last blog post..Poop Bags From The Cleveland PLAIN DEALER
Big or small, we all have boob envy I guess.
I’ve seen some of those shows about implants and it scares me to death. I’m a small breasted woman and I have had people suggest (women mainly, oddly enough) that I get a boob job. EEK! No! I have seen the variety of ways in which they SHOVE them in there and no thanks!
My theory is, I won’t be sagging when I’m 80, so I will be winning in the end!
Don’t feel bad though, I find things in my bra as well…I have had chocolate ice cream land smack in the middle of my cleavage, cookie crumbs fall out when I take my bra off….
~Kelly
http://www.30somethingandsearching.today.com/
Oh the stories I could tell about things found in the bosom …
Choose wisely if you decide to go ahead with the procedure.
I feel you! (Figuratively speaking).
I’m happy with my normal sized boobs, but when I was pregnant & breastfeeding they were ginormous and constantly got in my way. I cannot imagine having to live with that ALL THE TIME!
One of the women I used to work with finally wenr from an E cup to a B cup. We were all like “Are you sure you want to go that small?” But after she got back from the surgery, she looked like she’d lost 50 lbs. I mean, she practically had, but none of us knew that she was that small from the waist down because we were all blinded by the boobage, LOL. She loved going bra-less after that.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Angelikas last blog post..I Stole this!
Oh honey… mine are sliding sideways like Margaret said. They aren’t that big, but the saggalicious factor is horrendous! (Hey, we’re talking about boobs… hee hee)
My bestest friend went UP a bit in cup size having a boob job and she’s happy, I think. But I have heard alot of women talking about reduction because of the mamograms and such later on being difficult and back issues.
I would say - as long as you KNOW in your heart you are perfect the way you are, and then you simply want a reduction to make your life easier (if that’s the case) then it’s a good call. What I always worry about are ladies that DON’T like how they look and then look to surgery. This most likely won’t cure your view of how they look, that’s an internal belief.
So, if you think you are a hottie - and I am sure you are - and you just want a little less, then heck… remember you won’t be seeing ANY of what the documentary shows of the actual procedure, you are out! You’ll have some time after to recoop.
There’s my book for the day. Love yourself no matter what, and do what you think you’d like.
HUGE hugs! from a size…. C
Love and Light,
Mon
(and her two saggy friends)
LOL. Funny. Well if you decide to get them done, maybe I can meet you for a tissue transplant. I have NONE, I don’t lose nothing in there, my kid asked why I even wore I bra, I said shut up! I know I can see straight down to the floor with noooo problem. I think about implants, but I’m afraid of dying just for some boobs. They sure would make my blouses and shirts look better though.
Naturals last blog post..Doggone, Grandma
HAHAH! I am right there with you on this one. The good thing about the cleavage, though, is that it can be used as an impromptu storage space if needed. During my friends wedding, I stuck a cellphone, cloth tissue and cash between the girls and no one was the wiser. Make ‘em work for you!
Athenas last blog post..1:29pm
I’m considering reverting back to wearing a bib.
chat blancs last blog post..What doesn’t kill me, sucks ass!
Haha, I know what you mean
Usually when I just put on a white t-shirt, I follow it up with a cherry yogurt or something like that, but surely pink/red etc. Boobies are in the way, so everything I eat or drink stick to me very closely, like in a never-ending romance. Me, the food and the boobies.
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Don’t they also give terrible backaches? I watched a documentary a while back of women with your same problem, who could not even wear normal bras, they had to shop at specialty stores, but counseling could be an option for you especially if gets to the point of damaging your health, the food relationship is funny though
Adas last blog post..Back to school
I found your post through the E-card Forum
http://entrecard.com/forums/3/13310/#p=14
I really Tried not to laugh, but that is some funny stuff. That and I feel much more educated as well.
Thanks for sharing.
Beamer
Beamers last blog post..A self Portrait and a grandson on the move
When you’re ready to have it done, I believe you’ll think more about the positive results than the procedure.
Here you are trying to get rid of your boobies and I’m trying to acquire some! Hey Monique, just dropped by to let you know I just used your link to get a DL Thesis Theme. Make sure you get credit
I’m late as hell, but I love the new look!
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Monique as usual you make it more funny than serious trouble (That’s why i love reading your post)…I think that’s the hardest part the decision making but just think of what you really want and go with the flow. I don’t know the statistic of negative compare to the positive when it comes with boobs surgery but if it work with your mum then there’s no reason that it won’t in your part.
iriss last blog post..I am running an auction …
Man I hear you. I’m 27 and ready to get these things chopped in half. Not only do I find half eaten cookies or grapes at the end of the day; the back pains and rivets in my shoulders from where my bra straps lay are enough to cause a grown man(or woman!) to cry.
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Like Natural, I’ve got nothin’. When my daughter was nearing puberty, she asked me if she was ever going to get boobs, since I never did. (She got ‘em.) Mine didn’t even balloon up during either pregnancy. (Another bit of evidence that I’m an alien.)
I have several friends who’ve had breast reduction surgery. One friend said, “Oh my god, I can sleep on my stomach now!!” Go get your therapy and surgery. Srsly.
Mine are average and have been my whole life. I’ve never cared one way or the other about them- mostly because my great-grandma beat it into my head that boobies are for feeding babies. LOL. My husband, thankfully, is not a boob guy.
Lil’ Miss, though, was blessed with mass boobage from her dad’s side. She’s considering getting a reduction, too. She’s kind of top heavy- she’s 4ft. 11in. and weighs 110 lbs. She wears a ZERO in pants and a DDD bra. Poor kid. I blame her father for that. Really. Anyway, she’s 17 and ready to see most of those babies go buh-bye.
I haven’t heard any food in the cleavage stories yet, but I’m sure they’re coming. I’ll send her to you for advice.
LMAO at these stories! I too and blessed/cursed with larger than avg sized boobies so I have gone through that same “I want them gone!” phases. One time, my friend inadvertently made me feel bad because she said something about how you shouldn’t be able to put a pencil in there and it stays there and I went home that night and tried it and I could . I was so hurt, lol! I do want a breast reduction, but I’m concerned about being able to breastfeed if and/or when I get pregnant. Maybe I’ll save it til 35 or the 2nd child whichever comes first.
HaHa!! I know what you mean on all points! I’ve seen one of those shows, and have also found leftover lunch in my bra at night! BUT no surgery for me…
reginas last blog post..Wow! What About Michelle!!
Sometimes there’s nothing more fun than removing my bra at the end of the day. Period.
I’ve always thought that if I were that big, I wouldn’t hesitate to get reduction surgery. But I know that if push came to shove, I’d feel the same fears you’ve expressed. Definitely not an easy choice.
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Plastic surgery documentaries are totally traumatizing! But, if you are so unhappy, maybe you really should consider it?
Oh, and I have to drink any / all beverages with a STRAW otherwise I end up spilling everything all over myself too.
meleah rebeccahs last blog post..My Writing Buddies
I was floating around the EC tonight and came across your blog. I love it. You are speaking on real issues when you cover boobs. I am so with you on this. As I age, my boobs are getting bigger. I have noticed that lately that they are shrinking a bit. I have trying to exercise more and eat better. What a tough road with two children. ON the go all of the time. But ya know, I have to accept that my boobs are not getting any smaller. I have thought about the surgery. It just looks so painful….I have no idea why women get fake ones.
I look forward to reading your post.
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I have to second the shout wipes thing. As someone else who is constantly catching falling food with her boobage, Shout Wipes are a LIFESAVER! I have to wear white shirts at work and that is just a nightmare. While the wipes don’t remove all stains entirely, it makes them at least light enough to not stick out like a sore thumb for the rest of the day.
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