I know this will shock most of you, but I am a criminal.
Yup.
You see, back many moons ago I went into an Eckerd drugstore1 and decided to put my smooth thieving skills to the test. I glided my way over to the make-up isle and grabbed some Wet ‘n’ Wild charcoal eyeliner. I looked around to see if anyone was watching me and then slipped it into my pocket. Since stealing that was so easy, I decided to go get myself some gum as well. When it was clear, I slipped a pack of Big Red in my pocket as well.
Woot! Score!
Before I could fully celebrate my idiocy, I heard over the PA system “SECURITY, ISLE 3… SECURITY TO ISLE 3.”
I had no idea what isle I was in, but I knew without a doubt that the police and SWAT team would be coming for me at any moment. I got that shit out of my pockets and walked as fast as I could to the door, never looking back.
Once I had escaped, I began running towards my house, taking a zig-zag route through neighborhoods to lose the police who just might be on my tail.
When I got home, I locked myself in my room and prayed to remain free and safe, vowing to never again go into another Eckerds Drugstore. And I didn’t. Anytime my mother went into one, I stayed out in the car. I knew they had to have my photo on a “Most Wanted” wall, and I surely did not want to be arrested.
To this day I have avoided going into one. I kid you not. Me, a grown ass woman still thinking the Eckerds rent-a-cops are searching for her for attempting to steal a pack of gum and some eyeliner.
What a looney I am.
DISCLAIMER: The event depicted in this post is fictitious. Any similarity to any person named Monique, who may or may not have lived in or around the Cape Coral, Florida in the early 1980’s is merely coincidental. So, yeah… it’s not me. Got it Eckerds drugstore people? It’s not me. Oh wait, I googled your store and you don’t exist anymore. YES! It’s still not me though.
- are those still in existence? [↩]
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
i did some stupid *&^% like that when i was like 6 or 7. got caught in trouble and won’t be doing that again.
i won’t call the popo, they should be looking for real criminals anyway.
Naturals last blog post..Is Your Subscriber Count Showing?
Wet ‘n’ Wild eyeliner and a pack of gum?!! You’re a regular hardened criminal, girl. Good thing you escaped, otherwise you might not be here today to blog about your fabulous life!!
Athenas last blog post..Who said crime doesn’t pay?
Aw, I’m disappointed. I was hoping to see that beautiful quilt of yours today! This is a funny story though, thanks for the laugh!
Karen, author of “My Funny Dad, Harry”s last blog post..Giraffe Note Holder - Craft Idea
I guess you and I will be doing hard time together. I just know some day that the candy bar I took will come back to haunt me. (Did I actually just confess to that? That incident has been securely locked away in the top secret section of my memory. Oh, the guilt.)
Wet n Wild was tha BOMB pre job having days, LOL.
They expect those things to be stolen. And gum. Tell Monique if she ever comes out of hiding…
lol! I heard the same story some years ago from my sister’s mouth but, no..not in the Eckerd drugstore for we don’t have any store like that in Philippines…the ending? I want to kick her ass for she was just dreaming. Of course it wasn’t true either, she just want to play comic
isn’t that what they call putting the “fear of God” into ya? I think I would have crapped my pants right there in the store in sheer panic!
chat blancs last blog post..Idiots and animals don’t mix
We are watching you.
FBI Dudes last blog post..I Am of To Ghana On Sunday!
You see what you did there? You got greedy. If you had walked out with the eye liner you would’ve been homefree. You gotta go in, get, and get out un-noticed! lol But why would I know that? *innocent smile*
That’s the best worst crime that never happened that I’ve ever read.
Carols last blog post..Bass Guitars are Heavy
Hi there
I like your blog. I’m looking a unique blog for my blogroll. Would you like to xch4ng3 link with me? thank you
Drunken Dragons last blog post..How To Test a Boat
I stole one piece of Bazooka gum once from a pharmacy. One piece. I think you could buy like five for a penny at the time. Anyway, ruined me for days. Guilt is a heavy weight to bear for a six-yr-old. Almost 40 yrs. later and I’m still remembering it like it was yesterday. And murderers don’t care if they kill a person. I don’t get it.
Kathys last blog post..Oh, Canada!
@ Natural - Thanks for not calling the popo! Can they even do anything to me for TRYING to steal?
@ Athena - I KNOW! It was close, but thankfully I am free.
@ Karen - I’m sorry. But I am working my through the anxiety so I can take a picture.
@ Haley - Your secret is safe with me.
@ Angelika - Yes it was… I loved that cheap stuff, especially since my mom wouldn’t buy it for me.
@ Manilenya - lol, what a funny sister you have.
@ FBI Dude - OH NO! Wait… remember, it’s not me you are looking for!
@ fragile - my cousin said the same thing but I was a novice.. how was I supposed to know?
@ Carol -
@ Kathy - Seriously. The guilt of that would ruin my life forever. I guess we are just programmed differently.
Oh yeah, you should be going away for a long, long time for that one.
I so knew this was the eighties when you mentioned Wet N wild and Big Red, no self respecting person these days would do that.
It was embroidery floss, and tic tacs for me at the V&S Variety Store, also long since left the business sector.
Sassy Mama Bears last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #44 ~ The Awards Edition
hahahahahaha
When I was 4 or 5 I stole a pink eraser. You know the ones? My mom saw me using it one day and asked where I got it. Apparently she was a lot more organized back then than she is now…because she knew what supplies I did or did not have.
She took me back to the store and forced me FORCED me to return the eraser and apologize.
I’ve never stolen even a grape since. And I have such a guilty conscious over things that I even went back to Target the other day because they had taken off too much from my order. They did not know what to do with me. They have nothing set up for customers to “refund” their money! ROFL I’m pathetic!
castocreationss last blog post..Top of the Muffin To YA!
Now I remember where I’ve seen you before! The drugstore up the block! Yes, dear, the drugstores share that stuff…er, I think.
Anyway, I won’t tell on your “friend” for a small price. Ahem.
@ Shae - I know… the guilt. I think I would have served any time I might have gotten already just from the constant paranoia that I endured thinking they were coming for me.
@ Sassy Mama - I didn’t even realize they still sold Wet ‘n’ Wild stuff until I saw it the other day at Wally World. I guess each generation needs their own affordable brands.
@ casto - Don’t feel bad. I have done the same thing.
@ Jenny - Are you blackmailing my poor “friend”? Can’t you tell that
Ishe has suffered enough over the years? lolLOL. This is too funny. We should all be worried, you’re still on the streets! :O
grrl…you are funny. i loved the disclaimer the best
meleah rebeccahs last blog post..A Perfect Comparison Of Prison To Working In An Office
LOL!! Damn right I’d never step into any of their chain stores ever again too! hahaha.. Hope your “friend” ain’t beating herself up over it! Wet ‘n’ Wild was really something back in the days, huh?
Shemahs last blog post..Off to KL!
Leave a Comment