Originally published at Blogging Monique Renae. Please leave any comments there.
In the past few weeks I have been getting a lot of emails and comment form questions about being adopted. I know in the past I have made mention of it and the fact that I am quite content being an adoptee. However, as it has been proven in the past, those itty bitty comments brings out all the psychos and I end up having some great debate about adoption. I don’t know how many times I can say it, but just because YOUR experiences with adoption were horrible does not mean everyone has had the same bad experience. My biological mother or birth mother or natural mother – whatever you want to call her – was a deranged lunatic, and so me being adopted was a HUGE blessing. It’s also not a secret that I have been struggling with infertility for YEARS. The cause is unknown, I get pregnant, have a miscarriage… wash, rinse, repeat. I’m used to it. I used to keep a blog documenting it, but that along with the anti-adoption lunies made me decide to just no longer talk about my life as a woman who at the time was in a major self struggle to have a child. Only those who are in my immediate circle know anything about whether I have a child, and if I do whether he/she was conceived naturally or adopted. It’s pretty sad that because people are losers that some things still have to remain taboo on my very own blog.
Anyway, most of the questions are the same as I always get so I found an old FAQ post I had done about my adoption story and so I am going to repost it.
As always, ask any additional questions in the comments and I promise to answer them.
When did you learn you were adopted?
I was told I was adopted when I was so small that I can barely remember it. But when I was younger (as most of you already know) my mother would talk about my adoption often and tell me I was special because I was chosen. It was never a secret in my family.
But what about your other life? What about the truths that were kept from you?
Ummm, the only person who has lied to me in this whole adoption thing was my birth mother. I don’t think I have any other life. I am living the one I was meant to live.
Why are you so quick to believe your amom over your nmom?
After much thinking about what the heck an amom and nmom are, I figured one was adopted and the other natural maybe? If that is the case, I must say again, it is isn’t about who I choose to believe. I KNOW the truth. My mother has never said anything negative about L. In fact, she gave me some nice reasons as to why she may have left me. It was L herself who poisoned my views on her when she couldn’t distinguish fact from fiction.
Why do you seem so angry with your mother?
I am not angry with either of my mothers. I am just not very fond of the woman who gave me life.
I have heard that infertility is brought on by a woman who hasn’t taken care of herself. Maybe if you think hard you will remember an STD you had or maybe you are too old and should just give up. You have no right trying to steal other womens babies.
Oh, aren’t you precious and naive. For starters, if you stop and think about your question/statement, you will see how ignorant it is. ALL infertility is caused by an STD or old age? Once again, we are faced with that black and white mentality that I keep talking about. Nothing is that simple. Secondly, I am not trying to steal anyones baby. I am not running around in the K-Mart parking lot knocking women over their heads and taking their newborns. Sorry to disappoint you.
I lost my child when I was 17 and thank the stars I got her back! We are now living happily together just as it should have been all along. People like you just make me SICK!
Uh huh. If you lost her, then yes, I am happy to hear you were reunited. But, something tells me that in your world lost means you gave her up for adoption. Something I don’t understand is how people can be so angry at ME for 1) being a happy adoptee and 2) wanting to adopt a child myself. Why are they not angry at their MOTHERS or whoever it was that “forced” them to give up their child. Your anger is greatly misplaced. I had nothing to do with that adoption that happened a trillion years ago. Maybe instead of emailing me, you should be out trying to fix the adoption system… ever think about that?
I am adopted too and I wanted you to know that I am very happy adoptee.
That is great to hear. Glad to know I am not the only one.
Don’t you think you are in denial?
Absolutely not. I have read all of the anti-adoption literature and nothing they describe relates to me. My parents never made me feel like an outsider, my siblings did not get better treatment, I was never denied my history, nothing of the sort.
Blood is thicker than water. You should be ashamed of yourself for believing the others. At least I know better.
From the time I was small, my mother sat me down and had the long adoption conversation with me. She told me the circumstances, she told me what I was named, she told me everything. As I grew up, no one treated me differently. I wasn’t pointed out as the ADOPTED child. In fact, no one knew outside of the family knew and I always found it humorous when people said we looked so much alike.
No one ever erased my history. I knew at 5 that I was a mixed child. I was raised by mixed parents. I was encouraged to learn different languages and be expressive. No one ever took away my name. I know my birth name, and have known it as far back as I can remember. My parents told me I could change it if I wanted – which I never did… I enjoy being Monique. All of the things that relate to your experience does not relate to mine. We have nothing in common when it comes to adoption outside of the fact that we are both adopted.
My husband is not adopted and can relate MORE to the anti-adoption scenarios than I can. As the youngest child, and a big WHOOPS after his mother thought she was done having children, the treatment of him has been out of line since as far back as he can remember. As an adult he feels misplaced and unable to relate to them in any way. He would love nothing more than to be “someone else”. Having lived with his NATURAL MOTHER did not make his life any better. Being brought up by a woman who says she wishes he was never born does not make his life all good and knee slapping happy. Bloodlines mean zilch if you, as a parent, suck.
However, when it comes to me, my life is all good. I am eternally grateful to God for giving me the life He did. All of my trials and tribulations have been nothing but a blessing. Every obstacle turned into a step which led me to fulfillment and joy. I am still growing and climbing those steps, and each day reveals an even better and stronger me.
