As I get older, I realize I am lacking in true, real, significant friendships.

My mother is almost 70 years, and a lot of the friends she talks to, and goes to visit, or has lunch with were her friends when she was my age. I want those kind of friends!!

I do have my share of friends, some I call my best friends, but at the end of the day, they leave me void and vacant sometimes. Sure, I will see them whenever I am near where they live, and I will send them birthday cards and Christmas cards and stuff, but when I am totally down and out and feel at my wits end, where do I turn then? It’s interesting because I remember their birthdays… I can’t even remember when ANY of them sent me a card of any sort. Maybe I just pick selfish people for friends?

I am such a loyal person, but I hate being betrayed… and when you screw me over, that goes into my memory bank and stays. And so many of my so-called friends have done things to me. And truthfully, I shouldn’t even still be talking to most of them.

I guess I just want that really good female friend or two or three or even four that I can bond with and grow old with. And not even someone who will call me everyday.. just someone who is there. I’ve never had that… I’m always the friend who is there… and then when I am filled with anxiety, those people who needed me suddenly are unavailable when I’m screaming for help.

In the coming week, I am going to head off to see Sex and the City.. but it won’t be with four fabulous girlfriends.. it won’t even be with one. It will be with my husband. And I guess at the end of the day, that’s not so bad since he’s the best friend that matters the most since really, he’s the only one who has been for me when no one else has.