I came home from my vacation with a pretty clear head… I actually had a pretty nice time even though I was definitely in the car way too much. I was supposed to go to work today but we got in late and I had to do wash, and ended up with nothing work appropriate to wear.
Instead of doing the trip update with photos from work, I figured I could do them at home, but go figure, my site had a few glitches (which I eventually fixed). So, the updates will have to happen tomorrow.
Before the trip, I had decided I wanted to make a few changes to my website. Truthfully, I wanted to completely revamp the site but when I mentioned it to friends and family, I practically got stoned to death.
So, I decided I would hire a professional to do a few changes to the site mainly because I am lazy and don’t feel like working on it myself. One of the things I wanted to do was make it wider and make it more Monique-ish. You know, make it super obnoxious. lol.
Anyway, there is a web design place near where I work, so I figured I would throw some business their way. I gave them a call about two weeks ago and pretty quickly, I realized it was not going to go very well. It started out well and the guy was pretty friendly until I suggested he visit my website because trying to explain to him what I wanted without him seeing it was hard. The second he saw the site, his tone changed.
I asked him if he wanted me to come down to his office because it would be easier for me to show him what all I wanted done and he said “no no no, no need for that” and then told me it would cost me about $80 an hour… which changed to more… and then more… and then he said he would just send me a quote after he did some “homework” because the site is on a Wordpress platform and wanted to find out what all was involved.
Yeah right.
I waited for an email, which never came. I waited patiently for over two weeks. My husband even stopped in to ask about it and they acted dumbfounded.
So, today, we called about it. We got in touch with the original guy who once again sounded really nice until he discovered which site we were calling in regards to. He then says “Well, I have somewhat of a dilemma with this site because we just got a huge project in.” Oh? And then he proceeds to close the conversation by saying “So, the soonest I could even think of even starting on your site is 60 days from now.”
Um. What?
Of course, the smart questions were asked like what took so long to find this out and so on, which he didn’t have an answer for. I was so mad…
It’s not typical for me to scream racism when something happens, even though I deal with it all fucking day and night, especially with a husband who glows in the dark. We get the looks, and the snide remarks and everything else that comes with it. It’s a lot of fun to go somewhere with him, and have people approach him to ask if he needs help, and then leave me standing there with my thumb up my ass getting ignored. We sometimes purposely stand apart to see if it will happen, and it usually does. Being brown is SO much fun in this country. And I know racism goes both ways, and in every direction blah blah blah. ANY KIND OF IT IS WRONG AND UNACCEPTABLE!
Anyway, I knew that that 60 day project nonsense was complete bullshit. What kind of website takes 60 days to build???? I build them all the time and never has one taken me 60 days. I knew it as clearly as I know my name is Monique. I knew it wasn’t because my project was too small, I knew it wasn’t because of any other reason than the color of my skin. But how could I prove that?
I had someone else call.
I had them ask for the same thing I wanted.
I had them see if they would get the same lie I did. Of course, if they did, I would know I was being paranoid and would have no choice but to slap myself for being so wrong about people.
Sadly, I was not wrong. They got the friendly guy, who was willing to help… and offered to have it done in 2-3 weeks. The last time I checked, 60 days isn’t 2-3 weeks. The asshole at the web design company didn’t even mention the two month project.
And I am furious. I am so mad I cried. And cried. And cried some more. And not just because of that loser anal twat who judged me based on NOTHING other than my appearance, but because it’s 2008 and I have to still deal with this shit. It’s 2008 and one day my kids will have to deal with this shit. It’s never ending. And I am SO SICK OF IT.
I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VERY SICK OF IT.
Sure, we can all just throw it aside and say who cares about that one man… but he isn’t the only one. There are so many more hims. Too many of them. And everyday I get to endure them. At least this time around, I can kind of do something. I can tell people to not do business with them. I can call the BBB and I can write letters of complaint… even if it does nothing, I will feel a little better. Until the next time.
It’s just not fair.
By the way, the company is PMG Web Design in Frisco, TX and the web-designer named Chad is a bigot super nice fella who I am sure would be happy to declare he isn’t by telling us some of his closest friends are black help any and everyone who called.
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
My blood pressure went through the roof after reading this and then I did cry. Saying I am sorry that you experienced this just seems weak Monique, but I am so sorry.
beeker’s last blog post..American Idol?My Two Cents
I don’t understand how anyone can dislike a person based on something as trivial as skin color, I mean really, how does anyone in this day and age continue to act like they’re an island, that you need only your “own” kind? It is the same kind of stuff I go through compounded by the fact that we DARED to have kids, I am really sorry that you had to put up with that mess, have you tried looking around entrecard? There are quite a few nice designs, and if nothing else they might give you referral.
Hugs girlfriend!
Ada’s last blog post..virtualPhotographer
I was reading this.. upset the whole way through til you shattered my tension with the shoutout to Chad
*giggle* ok I’m stopping. I’m just saying
I’m sorry you went through that dearie - your blog is fabulous and you have the right to make it as Moniquish as you want
You’ve got a patient soul to even be talking to them that long about this. I try to be patient.. really I do.. but if you aren’t taking me seriously well I’ve got a finger with your name on it
ok no - see that’s not very patient or peaceful. It’s a work in progress
and lol at your glow in the dark hubby. *sigh* I love love
JEMi | Tips for Life, Love, You’s last blog post..Survival of a Broken Heart: A How-To Guide
Hi Monique,
I just happened by as part of working the “Entrecard” thing and I read your post.
You really laid it out there for us girl. The only thing missing was that company’s name, but I understand you not exactly wanting to get into some sort of legal entanglement over someone else’s bigotry!
Like you I wish that it wasn’t so, I wish that whitey could look at colored and just see a human being.
I sit in sweatlodge and my elder tells me in the darkness that now we are finally able to see each other as the creator sees us, because in the darkness with no light we are ALL the same color. This allows us to “see” the spirit within each person.
So let me say I hope you keep letting YOUR spirit shine through so that we can all identify and share with you this journey, and perhaps someday we will conquer bigotry once and for all.
Mitakye Oyasin (We are all related)
MistrTim’s last blog post..The Apology that Wasn’t - Sec.301 Resolution of Apology to Native Peoples of the United States
What an ass. Sorry you went through this at this late date. You’d think those non-evolved creatures would have died out by now…
Elle’s last blog post..Four Foods on Friday
That’s bullshit. I’d go with any of the design companies that are online. I had one remake my blog for 50.00 and got it in a week. I LOVED it and have since revamped it myself with the help of an artist to do the header and am in the process of doing it again because I like the theme. I just change colors and header.
Just one man? That one idiot matters, because he’s out there doing that to other people, not just you. I’d definitely document the entire episode and lodge a complaint with the BBB.
I know some wonderful, ethical designers if you’d like to email me.
{{Hugs}}
pam’s last blog post..Stage II
@ Beeker - Thank you… and of course reading your comment made me cry even more. lol.
@ Ada - The whole kids thing is what really pisses me off about the whole thing, because I KNOW my children will have to endure it too, and that just crushes me.
I’m searching for someone now, or I just might break down and do it myself (even though I really don’t want to).
@ JEMi - Honestly, I am not that patient… but I wanted to give him every chance in the world to make it right…. to make me wrong. A part of me wishes I had waited even longer now.
@ Mistr Tim - Thank you so much for that. I am determined to not let this break me, but I am so frustrated. I think it’s just been too much for me lately, dealing with some form of idiocy everyday. Ugh.
@ Elle - I live in Tex-ass… which has to be hands down one of the hardest places I have ever lived. They are very much alive and proud of themselves.
@ blueyes - I’m definitely shopping around for someone. What’s sad is that that the moron didn’t realize I was willing to pay out the big bucks to have someone help me because I did not want to deal with the frustration. It’s ok though because now someone else will get the money. Hopefully someone much more deserving.
@ Pam - I will surely be emailing you
And thank you for the hug (which made me cry of course).
Ahh Monique, I am so sorry that happened to you. I got pretty angry reading this because it’s dumb. Aside from the “race” aspect, who passes up GOOD MONEY?? That means he is willing to let his prejudices cost him business? Is it really worth it to hold on to such antiquated beliefs that somehow skin color dictates character/who a person is? Really? Wow… I can’t fathom making a judgment without ANYTHING ELSE to go on.
Most of the time, people amuse me, but some people (like this guy) make me so angry. And it’s the HELPLESS anger… the kind you can’t really do anything about.
My husband and I get “the look”, but because he’s a big guy he just stares them down until they feel embarrassed and look away. And sometimes in restaurants, people stare and now I stare back until I catch them looking, then smile and wave. HA! The fucking idiots can only quickly look away….!!!
Anyways, I hope you calm down and feel better. I know there are many of “those guys” still alive and well, but I take comfort in knowing there are as many or more people who don’t care what color you are and are working toward a future where it just doesn’t matter.
Have a good one!!!!
Jillian’s last blog post..A Few Things Plus Love Songs for the Downtrodden
I’m flummoxed. I just don’t get it. I don’t understand. Why would it matter if you’re black? Who cares?
I know that I’m naive. I was raised pretty much color blind though there were mostly whites and native Americans in my schools … and Asians. But I never saw anybody that way. I still don’t really but it is more present just because society seems to scream about color being important.
I seriously don’t understand. Would you be a different person if you were white? Or purple? Or rainbow bright colors? It boggles my mind.
My friends and I used to say that we were all going to marry black men because we wanted adorable little half and half babies. Seriously! Okay we were in grade school but still. My little cousins are mixed and GORGEOUS! Freaking unbelievably gorgeous. Like model hot. And I always envy how fast they can tan.
And yet when one of them was a little girl I found her crying and I asked her why and she told me that she didn’t like her eyes. Why? Because they were slanted. I asked if someone made fun of her and she said yes and that just blew me away. I was only in high school and she in grade school but I had just NEVER encountered such a thing before. No one made fun of my friend Lynn who was Asian.
Sorry…I’m rambling. I just do not understand how anyone would do something so mean and illogical. Nor do I understand people who ask your husband if he needs assistance and not you - although that one is slightly easier because they do the same thing to me … I think that is just more a woman/man thing than a color thing. ‘Cause both hubby and I glow white. =)
I love your blog and have enjoyed reading it a TON the last few weeks since finding you on Entrecard. Keep your chin up! I know you’ll find someone who can redo your site and will do a great job. I’d offer up the ladies who did my main site but they are always swamped (seriously…bombarded with requests) and are kind of expensive (they keep raising their prices lol). Another option you could do is go to Etsy (www.etsy.com) and go to the Alchemy option and put in a request. Then people will bid on your request and you can pick the designer yourself. That’s how I got my kick ass graphics for my birthday celebration. =)
:::HUGS::: I don’t care what color you are!!! =D
castocreations’s last blog post..Happy Birthday to Me!
I don’t know what to say after reading your post. Sorry that it has to happen to you…truly am.
Louie’s last blog post..Easy Online Web 2.0 Logo Creator
dang monique, sorry this happened to you. i can feel your frustration. that’s mean and evil what they did….wish you could report them. i’m all for letter writing.
i would ask if your hosting company had a previous version of your site they could upload, but that won’t include your current stuff.
sorry
Natural’s last blog post..Job Security In A Hurting Economy
To say this schmuck makes me angry is an understatement. I am so sick and tired of people like him too. This is not the type of crap I will want my kids around, but what can I do other than fight everyday to change it. I don’t think it will be enough, but maybe with the number of people now adays that seem to be for that same idea it will be.
I’m sorry you have to go this crap, I wish I could end it all with the snap of my fingers, but unfortunately, as most things in life, it will take more than that.
*sighs* I’m so very sorry that you have to endure experiences such as this especially in this day and age. I don’t blame you one bit for being outraged and disgusted.
*Hugs*
Rae’s last blog post..Mystery Shopping Warning
I know all about this.
Back when I was working, if I called first then yes, they were accepting applications. But when I showed up, they weren’t.
I remember once I GOT THE JOB & the manager told me to go & fill out my paperwork.
The bitch at the desk said we needed to wait for my drug test results before I “went through all of that if it comes back positive.”
I’m sorry you, once again, had to deal with this shit.
(((((((((Monique)))))))))
Angelika’s last blog post..Dear Entrecard
I realy feel sorry for what happened to you. But I guess the biggest problem is that it happens with more people than with that guy. My boyfriend is black, I am white. I have no problem with that, mt family has no problem with that. I don’t know how nowadays skin color can still make a difference. I would like to help you with your design. I am not a web designer but I know pretty much much about it. Such people should not hinder your dreams and plans.
Ana’s last blog post..Cats on Tour through Egypt: The River Nile
SHITTY McSHIT!
Okay I am really slow and thought he read the site and was bothered about entrecard or something!
The thought that he looked and made his assessment based on your photo makes me feel sick
He is a wanker and a tosser and a bloody twat! I hope he read this.
I hope you read you comments and feel less angry or something? Or at least swear at your husband or anyone handy in British.
Yes I am using humour to lighten the mood but not to distract you from your absolute right to feel mega Pissed off about this.
Claire’s last blog post..1000 Photos! (plus some more)
@ Jillian - That is definitely what I am feeling… Hopeless anger and it is SO frustrating.
@ Casto - You can ramble whenever you want. His behavior is exactly that… ILLOGICAL. But whatever, he’s now out some money because he’s stupid. PS - I don’t care what color you are either.
@ Louie - Thank you.
@ Natural - I am going to write letters to everyone I can think of, and then look up the addresses to those I can’t think of, lol
@ Kevin - I have no doubts that if you were here, you would be at that morons door kicking his ass. That in itself means so much.
@ Rae - I am so very outraged… I just hope my children don’t have to deal with this nonsense when they are in their 30’s.
@ Angelika - Wow… People are so damn rude. I get the same shit though because as they say I “sound white” on the phone. Whatever the fuck that means.
@ Ana - Thank you! I am glad that you have a good family who accept your decision to love someone who doesn’t look like them. My in-laws were not very supportive when it came to me, but that’s a whole different story.
@ Claire - {{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}} You made me laugh, so thank you! I think I know what a wanker is, and a bloody twat, but what the hell is a tosser?
Hi,
I think the world should let racism die. That away our kids would not be affected by this. That person was not worth making you cry. I hope you are feeling better. I found this on the net & I wanted to share this with you. It is about making your template bigger for FREE. Please check this out http://tips-for-new-bloggers.blogspot.com/
I’m sorry this happened to you. You are a beautiful person.
Take care,
Robin
Robin Baker’s last blog post..Free Keyword Suggestion Tool - AddMe
A tosser is pretty much a wanker
I am glad I made you laugh, I know it doesn’t really help with the situation.
Claire’s last blog post..Hamburg here I come!
Just when I start having faith in mankind again, something happens just like this. I could say that it’s because you’re living the U.S. and for some reason racism is so much worse over there - but it just wouldn’t be true. There have been improvements over time, but it’s too slow… I’m so sorry this happened to you. And I know it doesn’t make anything better, but I just am. I think it’s my turn to give you one big huge hug!!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
fragileheart’s last blog post..No catchy titles here, new year’s resolutions are tough to keep.
I’m getting my Word Grrls site done over for a lot less than $80. She has a backlog too but it’s a real backlog and not manufactured.
I’ve had some experience with being plus sized and being discriminated against. It’s all stupid. Not much you can do about it though. Just know that it has more of an effect on them than it does on you. They are stuck being backwards and obnoxious, you aren’t.
Laura’s last blog post..Internet Addicted?
Great read! I agree with you 100%. I see it happen all the time and also am the first to call someone on it. It is so easy to say, I believe he/she was next. I am sorry for you experience and I just know things will get better some day. In my lifetime? I don’t think so, but I pray someday. I never had any black, brown, yellow, red, white, green or purple friends. I just have friends. Keep up the great work. I enjoy reading your posts.
I switched to wordpress also! Luv it.
Thanks WOW now I gotta find that edit comment plug-in! Sweet.
Monique I will be happy to comment once my vocabulary grows to more than THE F’ WORD!
Raymond’s last blog post..Jedi Baseball
This bothered me so much that I even talked to my hubby about it and I wanted to share his reaction with you.
Now first…this is a man who makes really inappropriate jokes and comments and sometimes makes me wonder whether he is racist even though I know he is not truly. He works with black officers and people all the time (he’s a cop) but because he also deals with slime balls who want to kill him (literally) he gets a little sour on humanity in general.
So I wanted to see what he thought about this and boy did he shock and awe me in such a wonderful way. And confirmed what I knew deep down - he is not racist and he just likes to bug me.
Anyway, so I tell him what happened and how you tested the guy to see if another person’s site would be ‘okay’ to do. He asked if your photo was up on your site and how the guy knew you were black (which is duh…yes the photos are up). And then my hubby said “She should call him out and make sure everyone knows about it. You should blog about it too. People should contact him and tell him what an idiot he is.” OMG! I almost started crying. I told him how I just do NOT understand how someone can think like that and he called them ignorant!!!
OMG! That word coming out of my hubby’s mouth is a hilarious thing. Seriously. It might seem insignificant but this is a man who was raised for his first 14 years by a man who would disown his own children if they married a non-white person. (Which is also beyond my comprehension). So for him to call this dillweed (love the word wanker too) “ignorant” and an idiot just made my heart soar.
I’m rambling again but I had to share this with you. =D And let you know how much your experience affected me.
castocreations’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday - Down on the Farm
Sorry to hear about all of that bullshit. The guy doesn’t know what he has in store for him I bet.
I didn’t know you were brown. I thought your header photos were underexposed…
Periapex’s last blog post..Deconstruction of an Apicoectomy.
I am so shocked that it still goes on. When will it ever end? I feel for anybody who suffers prejudices of any kind.
A ‘glow in the dark’ from UK - I did like that comment :O)
Babs’s last blog post..Sundays in our house - in the 1950’s
@ Robin - Thanks
And you are right, racism needs to die. What is the point of it in 2008?????
@ Claire - Woot.. one more word added to my British vocab. It’s such a hoot when I toss those words in with my already crazy accent. And oh, it DOES help the situation… a lot.
@ Fragile - the improvements are happening, and very slow. It’s crazy to think that about 10 years before I was born my husband I wouldn’t have been allowed to even ride the bus together, or eat in a restaurant together.
@ Laura - I figure those people who have problems with us non-skinnies are just jealous. lol
@ fool - I am hoping that changes will happen sooner than later, but like you, I don’t expect it to happen in my lifetime.
@ Raymond - We do occasionally allow the F word to be dropped here.
@ Megan - Like I said, you are always free to ramble here… and thank you for sharing that with me. {{{hug}}}
@ Periapex - ROFL!
@ Babs - It’s kind of comical (the day after) but I realized that I encounter it a lot when I am trying to GIVE someone money. How stupid are they? Sure, hate my color when I am walking down the street… but be smart and keep that hatred under wraps when I am trying to give you business. Duh.
I truly can’t get my head around it, and see no reason to hate for colour. I thought it had at last gone with this generation but I suppose some people are bigots because their parents, and their parents before them were.
I suppose a little consolation is that your children, should you have any, probably won’t suffer in the same way.
Babs’s last blog post..Sundays in our house - in the 1950’s
Monique,
This is not acceptable in 2008 or any year!! Please know there IS something we can do about this, and must not give up the fight. Below is a video of what my mother-in-law is doing to raise awareness. This year 2008 marks the 40th anniversary of the assassination of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. It is rediculus that 40 years later people experience redicule due to the color of their skin. Stay angry people, and fight this in your daily lives. Peace to you and yours, Joy Purdy
“Never doubt that the actions of a few committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has!”
~Elizabeth Harrison
http://media.umcom.org/umtv/20080213/civil_rights_art.mov
Monique,
Okay, that’s not nice. And certainly not Christian. I just don’t get it. Jillian’s right, who passes up friggen $$$$$? Not to mention referral business. Did this guy own the company? Does his boss know? I mean, it’s just not good business. Take care, girl, and don’t give up faith in people! That stream flows both ways —- being in L.A., I’ve gotten the treatment - it ain’t fun, it ain’t cool - and it just plain hurts. Especially when you’re not doing anything to deserve it! Hate - on site! Awful. God builds us up and tests us all time, doesn’t he? I fail sometimes, but most times I end up praying, crying, and thinkin’ Heaven’s got to be better than this! Blessings!
You are SO darling! I love what MistrTim says - and I will take that to bed with me tonight! In the dark we are all the same (what’s the color of that idiot’s spirit? That kind of ugly runs deep to the soul). I never knew that kind of sh*t existed until my sister-in-law enlightened me (she was taking herstory, very cool!). Anyways, I kept thinking, ‘how can I be so blind?’ So, being white myself, I’d love to walk into that store with a baseball bat (did you say he had balls?)
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