I will confess to you now that I have an attitude problem. Jillian got me thinking about this after I read her post about people accepting us for who we are. Most of the people in my life love my loud outspoken ass. They like that I speak my mind and will tell them the truth about anything they ask me. I like to keep it real.
People who don’t know me might say it’s a chip on my shoulder… but it’s not. I just don’t care what other people think about me and the life I live. Frankly, I think I deserve the right to be a moody ‘ol hag when I want to be. After the life I’ve led, it’s about time. It’s not as if I am a disrespectful person… I respect everyone. But I will tell you about yourself real quick if need be.
It took me a long long time to get to the point where I was ok with who I am. It took me getting my ass kicked by some useless man… years of binging and purging only to become an anorexic… and so much more.
It honestly was a waking moment for me. It just hit me in the middle of the night that I didn’t need to put up with all the bullshit I was dealing with. I no longer had to walk around with the weight of the world on my shoulders trying like hell to make sure I fit in.
I realized that I didn’t need to care anymore. I didn’t care what my parents thought about my weight. I didn’t care what my boyfriend thought about how I looked without any make up on. The transformation wasn’t easy… but it was worth it.
I just started loving myself from the inside out.
Now, I can happily leave my house with a nappy head, or some silly ass winter hat on in the summer. I don’t always need to have make up on to feel good. I can wear bright green shoes with my blue jeans and red top. I can be a size 2 - ok, never the hell again would I want to be that damn skinny but if I wanted to be, it’s ok. And on the flip side, if I want to a fat butt who sits on my sofa all day, then so be it. Who cares? It’s about me now and I love the hell out of myself… and then some.
Don’t get me wrong though, I still have feelings, and words occasionally do hurt. Like, some ass from stumble did a review on one of my posts and all he said was “I bet this bitch is fat”. For a itty bitty second my feelings were hurt, and then I was like “dude please, you wish you had some of this fat ass”. And that’s how I live today.
I’m so much happier in this skin. If someone doesn’t like it, they don’t have to deal with it. They don’t have to be my friend which of course would be their loss. I have unlimited long distance with AT&T just so I can be there whenever someone needs me. Does it get much better than that in the friendship department? Oh, I will tell you when you have food in your teeth or a booger in your nose or if you ass looks fat in those jeans. That’s perfect friendship material right there… Not to mention, I’m loyal.
I wish I could pass my self love and awareness to every woman and child I know but that would be pointless. Part of the joy I feel from being alive each day is being able to look back at the struggles I went through to get where I’m at.
And knowing that never again will someone dictate who Monique Renae is or should be. Ever.
thehehee.. it's…
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
I like surrounding myself with friends who say what they mean. There’s nothing wrong with that. And I think it’s great if you are happy with who you are–more people should be that way.
The reason my best friend and I get along so well (for instance, we can spend an entire week together and never get on each others nerves) is mostly due to the fact that we both just say what is on our mind. With everything out in the open, you nip problems in the butt before they become an issue.
Girl you rock.
I have my moments but I think for the most part I am who I am with no real concern for what society wants me to be. I’m not thrilled with my fat self so I’m doing something about it. For ME. Not because my hubby said I was too fat (he’s been saying that for years) but because I finally didn’t feel healthy.
And I LOVE going without makeup in sweatpants (blue) with a sweatshirt (red) and tennis shoes (tan). =D With unwashed “nappy” hair (that word cracks me up).
castocreations’s last blog post..I ROCK
I used to be a mouse. I am not anymore. I usually tell people exactly what I think. I am fat. I am not real happy being fat but you know what? I am not in the realm of losing it right now and my Husband has NEVER complained. As a matter of fact he still has the extreme hots for me after 34 years of marriage. Be you in the now baby girl.
ettarose’s last blog post..Can you Forget Your First Ever?
I LOVED this post.
Everyone needs friends like this. My friends know I don’t call, write and never check email. Sometimes we go weeks without talking but no one gets offended, that’s just how we are. And finally, when we hang out, it’s like old times. I LOVE that.
Anyways, I needed to read this!
And StumbleUpon can be… harsh.
Jillian’s last blog post..Try Not To Hate the Transportation Security Administration (TSA)
Thank GOD that I decided early in my 20s that I don’t give a shit what people think about me.
I WISH other women/girls would learn this earlier in life. Apparently, women only become “self aware” in their 40s or later.
I just got tired of always being the goody two shoes. Always being the dependable one. Always having people take advantage of my naiveté.
Good for you!
Angelika’s last blog post..High Five Friday & other crap
Great Post! A woman that does not allow herself or her worth to be defined by others will always kick a**. However, this a “hard knock” lesson for most of us, including myself.
I think you’re off to a great start! Sharing your story often helps inspire other people. Thanks so much for sharing this!!
fragileheart’s last blog post..It’s like a trainwreck, you want to away but you just can’t!
You go girl! Self-awareness is a great start. Sometimes, we women go through the ‘what would others think of us’ syndrome but it’s high time we stop doing that and be confident about who we are. Woo hoo!
Jasmine Shanea’s last blog post..“Sorry, username and password do not match.”
oooohhh! You said “nappy head”…ur gonna get in trouble!
Seriously though! I think you have a great attitude! Keep it up!
I also want to thank you for droppin by my blog and commenting. I know it was seriously hard for you to try to find a post you could actually agree to comment on there! LOL.
I do have a personal blog that it “my other side” and a lot more tame if you’re interested…I’ve dropped on you from that entrecard as well at http://myfrakkinblog.blogspot.com
Wanted to thank you again for commenting on my blog and wanted to congratulate you on this post and your realization that you don’t need the approval of others to love who you are!
Great post. Screw that loser who stumbled you, I was pretty pissed when I read he said that, but I figured even if I did get the information out of you of who it is…what can I really do about it? I just dislike crap like that, completely uncalled for stupid banter to make themselves feel better, no doubt. Of course, I get defensive when someone is rude to one of my friends.
But being you is always good, something I need to accept still myself. I am not entirely sure why I am afraid of people’s opinions of me, cause when I was younger I never did. Silly brain always gets in the way, hmmm. hah.
Thanks for the post !
Kevin’s last blog post..Sedulous (Part 1) - Weekly Short Story For You!
I’ve struggled with poor self image too for some time. how i value myself depended on other people’s opinion about me and it sucked. you feel pressured and ugly. fortunately I got over it! =) for the person who said bad stuff about you, he probably is the one who is fat and ugly he was just projecting his insecurities on other people. take care monique =)
wendy’s last blog post..Zeroa is finally Home
isn’t it the greatest feeling of them all? good for you to let go of insecurities. and good for you to share it with the rest of us!
team monique
I believe that you have to love yourself first before anyone else can love you. I personally admire you and the strength of character it took to become the person you are now. I prefer someone to say what is on their mind. I am not a mind reader. u rock girl
Carol’s last blog post..LETTERS TO MY GRANDSON ZACHARY ALEXANDER
You got any tips for those of us who still care?
Solomon Broad’s last blog post..The “Things I’m Grateful For” April Contest
@ Nichole - Based on what you said, you and I could be friends
@ castocreations - Thank you
We need to meet up and go out with our nappy hair and mismatched clothes.
@ ettarose - Exactly, lose weight when its right for you!
@ Jillian - {{{{{hug}}}}} My friends and I are the same way… we don’t need to talk everyday, but we are there for each other when we need to be.
@ Angelika - That was exactly how I was… and by the time I was 22, I was DONE. I needed a change, and I found one.
@ Honey - It is sometimes a hard lesson to learn. But hopefully we all eventually find our way to self awareness.
@ fragile heart -
And because I like you so much I will use this moment to remind everyone to join you for Earth Hour Day. (check out her site for more info)
@ Jasmine Shanea - That phase really does suck too. Looking back on it I’m like wtf was I thinking?
@ Bobo - Thanks for stopping by
@ Kevin - I have full faith that you will get there. It’s just a matter of time.
@ Wendy - I’m glad you got over it!
@ marmalade - It is (and was) the greatest feeling ever! Oooh, I like that Team Monique… I just might have to get a few t-shirts that say that.
@ Carol - I do agree with that even though people often tell me that you can love someone else without loving yourself. I’m not sure how that works though because I’m not exactly giving the person I love “the real me” if I am not even being real with myself. Ya know?
@ Solomon Broad - I have a ton of tips, too many to write in the comments. But, you can always email me
Primarily though I think you have to do some serious soul searching. I believe a lot of us are living our lives for other people and have convinced ourselves we are happy doing it. That’s why marriages fail and we have nervous breakdowns or we get super depressed about things… You just have to “find” that thing inside of you that makes you tick and then not give two hootie pooties when someone says ‘oh hey, you can’t’. The hell I can’t should be your response. And it starts with the small things… eating breakfast for dinner, wearing your slippers to the store instead of shoes. DO YOU… AND BE PROUD!
You get an “amen!” from me. And actually, I wish I could be a bit more like you, though I’m not quite the mouse I used to be…
Cindy’s last blog post..Saturday Photo Hunt- HIGH
You hit it right on Monique. We all get to that point were we just know its time to stop living for others, and live for ourselves; I reached that point this month after I was turned down for a job I really wanted, I came home told my hubby I was not going to loose weight to fit some idiotic ideal of what an ideal women should look like, and don’t get me started on the hair lol. But power to all the ladies (and fellas) who have reached the point in their lives to stop living for everyone else (especially those who tread on you) and start living for OURSELVES! No one will love you more than yourself.
Thanks Monique.
Ada’s last blog post..Baby boy or girl
I love my attitude problems and even better my friends do too. I love yours as well or else I wouldn’t look forward to reading your blog. My philosophy is that if you don’t like how I look, act, or think…don’t worry about the door hitting your butt on the way out, the stick you have stuck up there will keep that from happening.
You really only get one shot at this life. I always ask myself, “Am I living with no regrets?” If you can answer yes…great. If a regret just came to mind, then it is time to get busy. Regrets identify those moments when you did something not to follow your own bliss, but out of fear of what others think.
beeker’s last blog post..Hospitals Scare Me
I need to seriously work on my self love issues.
Ginormous Boobs’s last blog post..GB Gets a Little Serious
Leave a Comment