I have many female friends, and even sisters who are in these ridiculous relationships with men who don’t want the same thing from life that they do… but yet, they don’t leave because they have this delusion that they can change him.
As we all know, I am the queen of stupid relationships, but I can honestly say that I have never been with a man who I thought I could change. Fix him maybe… be the one person who sticks by him through his tantrums perhaps… but I never wanted to change them.
One of my sisters - and I am sure she will hate me telling all her business like this but oh well -has been a relationship with a guy for over five years now. She got pregnant about a year into the relationship and he was not happy at all. He stuck around, told her that was it, no more kids. He also told her several other things he did not want from the relationship. He’s a rare one, who laid it all out on the table so she would know what she was getting into. I told her a long time ago, his desires were not her desires so she needed to be careful. She insisted it was something they could “work on”. Fast forward five years, and they are now married. She wants another child and to move out of the city. Two things he has said no to for as long as I have known him. She is now blowing up my phone all upset because he won’t compromise and I am a bad sister for not taking her side.
Why in the world would you want to have ANOTHER child with someone who didn’t want one to begin with? And why should I encourage it when I know better?
Is there a shortage of men or something? And if so, is it that great that women must now settle for less than what they want?
I know a girl who is trying to get pregnant in hopes that her boyfriend will marry her. What the hell is that about? Why would you want to tie a man down who doesn’t want to be there to begin with?
When a man tells you he never wants to get married, never wants children and that’s ALL you want, why would you continue in the relationship? Maybe it’s just me. I don’t get it.
thehehee.. it's…
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I have been in this situation before. I was in a relationship with an older guy who told me explicitly that he was not interested in a relationship or anything long term… but did I listen? Of course not! I thought I was so effin awesome and great that he would see the errors of his ways and completely change his mind. I was so mad at myself and at him, I think I made us both miserable.
Meh. 9 months of my life I’ll never get back. However, I did learn a valuable lesson in listening.
LOL, and to think I used to be so quick to call a girl stupid for sticking around! Humble pie, anyone?
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One piece of advice I’d like to share with your readers is: When a person shows you who they are or TELLS you who they are or what they are about BELIEVE THEM. If you know that it is unacceptable for you to continue on in a relationship with them based on this information LEAVE. Do not attempt to CHANGE them. You will be in an unsatisfied relationship and eventually you will become resentful.XOXO-Brunette Bombshell
I agree with you totally, but you know, men do the same thing as well. They promise you the world to get you to fall in love with them. Tell you they want a family, and the whole nine yards. And then when you give to them what they want, they don’t want it anymore and walk out with you holding the pieces to pick up. And there is a child without their father around cuz he was too selfish to do what needed to be done!
Some of us live in a fairy tale world and then some of us WAKE UP!!!
I really don’t get it. This topic frustrates the hell out of me. I just want to knock sense into women who think they can change a man or who think getting pregnant to trap him is a path to happiness. You have to decided what makes you happy and what you want. Then build a life around what you want. The guy for you is the one who wants the same path and makes each day happier because he is in it.
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I don’t get it either. You can not change a person. Besides if you have to change a person why do you want to be with them in the first place. I personally think we should tell them what we want and what they can expect from you. I told my husband from the get go if he wanted a woman that spent her life in the kitchen cooking three meals a day. I mean go hire a maid or a cook if that kind of stuff is all you want.
We all ought to get together and write a book. My husband tells me that a woman should do this or that and I asked him where is it written down at. We could call the book
What Women Should Do The Myth.lol
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Oh I hear ya girl!!! Some of my female friends make me want to bang my head against the wall because of the relationships they allow themselves to get in.
I’ve had my fair share of bad relationships in the past, but I learned a LONG time ago that you shouldn’t try to change the person you’re with. If you don’t accept who they are, then why are you with them?
Rae’s last blog post..Luck of the Irish
I understand the entrapment strategy that women sometimes try to employ. Unfortunately any relationship (and entrapment) takes two people. The woman might be to blame, but the man is not completely blameless either.
Periapex’s last blog post..Sundance Hooping Around.
Are you sure we don’t have the same sister? At least your brother-in-law was honest enough to tell her, many women have to figure it out on their own. You just can’t change a person, they must want to change for themselves first.
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@ Jillian - At least you can admit it!
@ Brunette - I couldn’t agree more. And why waste your time just to end up resentful?
@ Anna - Yeah, men do sometimes do the same thing but they moreso lie, whereas women try to change them into what they want/need.
@ beeker - LOL! I want to do the same thing to all my friends. Give them a good shaking or knock them upside their heads is so appealing to me right now.
@ Carol - Exactly!
@ Rae - I’m glad at least a few of us know better.
@ Periapex - I dont know…. if I’m trapping you, I can’t really see you laying down in the trap willingly. I know my friends certainly aren’t being honest with their tricks and games.
@ Dani - Maybe we are long lost sisters! I am adopted you know
I don’t understand it either. Women like that are selling themselves short. I guess they think that they can’t do better or maybe they are afraid to be alone. Bottom line is that you should get the maximum out of your life and if someone else is stopping you from doing that you obviously have no business being with that person!
I think sometimes it has to do with a persons fear of being alone coupled with their misguided search for the happiness, love, and acceptance that can only be found within yourself.
Everyone does not need to be in a relationship.
Just because you can reproduce doesn’t mean you should
When a man or woman tells you they don’t want kids…they better not have sex. Sex = kids. Duh.
Trying to change someone’s mind is a waste of time. It never turns out right.
People need to talk about this crap before they get into a relationship about what the freak they want. Don’t wait until emotions have advanced to something that will never be.
Waste of time, life and energy. Keep it moving.
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