Originally published at Blogging Monique Renae. Please leave any comments there.
I am a runaway bride.
Yup… I left a man at the altar.
Many many many years ago, I was involved with one of the loser I have yet to tell you about. In fact, he was the biggest loser of all. At the end of the day, he is the main reason I am who I am now… not willing to take shit from anyone. He pushed me to the very edge of my sanity and in all honesty, I don’t know how it is I am still alive to talk about it. I will explain all of that at another time.
Anyway, he and I planned a very nice church wedding with lots of guests and food. I had been having a lot of doubts about it all along since he was a pig and treated me worse than trash, but I went through with it all anyway.
I arrived at the church dressed in white, I walked down the aisle, I smiled, I looked around, the minister spoke, I smiled some more, they asked some questions, I smiled, he answered and I found myself lacking in words. I looked out at the crowd of people and not one person looked happy. I looked at the asshole standing in front of me, and he was the only fool smiling. And that is when I realized I needed to get the hell out of there.
I was polite though and waited until I was asked if I wanted to take Asshole as my lawfully wedded husband, to which I replied “No, I don’t.” I then gathered up my dress and walked out past a crowd of smiling faces.
What’s saddest is that I didn’t follow that instinct to bail. I ended up going back to him. And it got worse. It got a lot worse before I was able to wake the hell up and realize that I deserved more… I deserved better. If you are EVER with a man who puts his hands on you for ANY reason, you get the fuck out. You leave. Not tomorrow, not next week… you go right then and there. It won’t get better. He will not change. I learned that the hard way. And I was stupid for not leaving or telling anyone. I was stupid for making excuses for him and his loser ways.
I will admit though that I don’t think that without that turmoil I would have ever moved on. I would have never taken the chances I did in life. I would still be in a small town, living my life for someone else’s happiness. He made me absolutely aware of everything I was missing out on.
And for that, I am so very grateful.
