I am a runaway bride.
Yup… I left a man at the altar.
Many many many years ago, I was involved with one of the loser I have yet to tell you about. In fact, he was the biggest loser of all. At the end of the day, he is the main reason I am who I am now… not willing to take shit from anyone. He pushed me to the very edge of my sanity and in all honesty, I don’t know how it is I am still alive to talk about it. I will explain all of that at another time.
Anyway, he and I planned a very nice church wedding with lots of guests and food. I had been having a lot of doubts about it all along since he was a pig and treated me worse than trash, but I went through with it all anyway.
I arrived at the church dressed in white, I walked down the aisle, I smiled, I looked around, the minister spoke, I smiled some more, they asked some questions, I smiled, he answered and I found myself lacking in words. I looked out at the crowd of people and not one person looked happy. I looked at the asshole standing in front of me, and he was the only fool smiling. And that is when I realized I needed to get the hell out of there.
I was polite though and waited until I was asked if I wanted to take Asshole as my lawfully wedded husband, to which I replied “No, I don’t.” I then gathered up my dress and walked out past a crowd of smiling faces.
What’s saddest is that I didn’t follow that instinct to bail. I ended up going back to him. And it got worse. It got a lot worse before I was able to wake the hell up and realize that I deserved more… I deserved better. If you are EVER with a man who puts his hands on you for ANY reason, you get the fuck out. You leave. Not tomorrow, not next week… you go right then and there. It won’t get better. He will not change. I learned that the hard way. And I was stupid for not leaving or telling anyone. I was stupid for making excuses for him and his loser ways.
I will admit though that I don’t think that without that turmoil I would have ever moved on. I would have never taken the chances I did in life. I would still be in a small town, living my life for someone else’s happiness. He made me absolutely aware of everything I was missing out on.
And for that, I am so very grateful.
14 Responses for "You Think You Know #13"
I walked out a month before my wedding; it ranks in the top five on my list of the smartest things I’ve ever done. Brava!
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Life lessons are the hardest to learn, but at least you came to self realization on your own, when you hear the countless stories of women that weren’t strong enough to leave, it only goes to show your strength that in the end YOU made the right decision
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Wow, you’re one of the rare ones. Congratulations. I feel even more privileged now to read your blog.
For some reason, this seems to be a theme in blogs that I’ve recently subscribed to. Lin has strong feelings about this (as anyone should).
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Monique, I love your blog. Maya Angelou said something along the lines of paying attention to a person when they show you who they are. I wish I would have followed that rule a few times, but like Ada said there are life lessons that you must go through to become the person you are today. I’m happy that you removed yourself from that situation.
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What a great story! And good for you for getting out of there. After seeing what my mom went through I promised myself any man that ever hit me was getting hurt, too.
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Oh Monique, Good for you!
I didn’t go through anything quite so bad, but I do know that all those experiences I did go through make me who I am. And I like me and wouldn’t go back to do it over again for anything. Sounds like you feel similar.
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A hard life lesson, but you came out on the right side a much stronger woman! Good for you! Your story is an inspiration to many others
Girlfriend, good thing you got out there when you did. People get stuck in relationships, happened to me, nothing abusive, but it happens. The important thing is to recognize it’s a mistake and make that change.
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I think you’re absolutely right. There are men that hit women and there are men that don’t. If anyone is with the former variey they need to get out as soon as possible.
I have had a tempestous relationship with my wife, we regularly have rows and clashes of ego.
I’m happy to say that even during our darkest moments, when all the love we feel for each other has disolved leaving only a temporary hate and bitterness in it’s wake, when we have wound each other up beyond the point that we knew it was possible to get to, even then, I have never laid my hands on her.
I would be a single man the next day if I did. That is the way it should be.
Monique, you are a fantastic writer. Of all the blogs I’ve read through entrecard, yours is one of the ones of the few that can be entertainaing, pleasant to read, funny and thought provoking all at the same time.
I hope your talent with the pen is able to inspire women to be strong enough to deal with this sort of thing without them first having to go through what you you did first hand.
Hi Monique,
I read your blog through Entrecard too, and I felt compelled to write.
I’ve been in a very similar situation (minus the wedding), and I just wanted to tell you that you weren’t stupid.
I think domestic violence is more of an illness (a mental illness) for the abused. We were sick while in the relationship, and just kept getting more sick (with help from our abuser).
During our sane moments we realized we had to get out of there, but then the insanity returns and we go back. It’s a fix. An addiction. And it’s hard to beat. I finally left (I had to go a few states away so I couldn’t “use” again), and my body when through physical symptoms of withdrawal.
So you, I, and other victims of DV are not stupid. I hate for us to beat ourselves up. Our exes already did that enough. We are strong (survivors!) and we were finally able to kick our addictions. It’s hard to do. And it certainly teaches us a lot.
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What a story!!
Holy crap.
I think it takes a lot of juevos to do what you did. Most people (brides and grooms) that feel the way you did would just go through with the wedding and live in a miserable marriage for a while.
Here’s the question though: Did you keep the wedding gifts?!?
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You’re so brave! me I have to wait for another three years and a half with 7 month old baby when I decided to leave the demon.
BTW! i addedd you to my first 20 technorati fave
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Better to be a Runaway Bride than a Battered Woman in jail for murder, IMO.
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It’s good to see that you learned. Some ladies never learn, they stick around until something horrible happens. I have friends who are 20 and 21 who put up with things that they shouldn’t!
Kudos to you!
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