Can I Please Speak to Someone IN the United States?

I bought a new computer last week, along with a very very very expensive monitor. I dished out a lot of money for these two items, so of course I would expect them to arrive at my front door in tip top shape. In fact, I want them hand delivered by four men who hand guarded them with their very lives to ensure they don’t get damanged along the way.Yeah I know, I dream big.

Anyway, yesterday I received my monitor. I was so excited, I left work, drove all the way back home just to see it. I pulled it out of the box, and it was love at first sight. So shiny and new.

I proceed to put it together only to discover that the little flexible neck part is jammed. It won’t move no matter what I try. I even pull out a hammer, and ask a few guys for help. Nothing. It’s stuck. Naturally, I’m pissed.

Of course I call the company to complain and tell them I need a new monitor.

I dial the 1-800 number, the recording lady sounds like an all American babe… and then I reach a human. She clearly is NOT an all American babe. Her accent is thick, she can’t understand me, I can’t understand her, I’m trying to explain my problem, she doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about. So, I ask her can I get a number to someone here in the US. Someone who might have actually seen the monitor I am talking about. She tells me no, she has had the same training as the Americans have. I tell her no she hasn’t. She tells me she has. We do this dance for a while.

She finally decides to give me a case number, and transfer me to someone in the advanced technical department. The next person I speak to is also in India. She also has never seen my monitor. However, she keeps on telling me to pull on the screen with all my might because sometimes, they make them “tight”. I ask her if she is going to replace my monitor when I destroy the screen. After a bit of silence, she decides I need level three tech support.

As I am waiting to speak to yet another person, I realize my screen has these little indentations in them, so by now, I don’t give a flying hoot about it being jammed, I want a new monitor because of the marks.

The next person is a guy, who also is not from anywhere close. He proceeds to try to tell me to jerk and pull the monitor. Try a thrusting movement he says. Meanwhile I am trying to tell him I don’t care about the jammed neck, I want a new monitor because of the marks on the screen. You know what he tells me?

Him: Our policy dictates that when we replace a monitor, it is with a refurbished one.

Me: The hell it is.

Him: Yes, I know it doesn’t seem fair but that is what we do.

Me: That is what you do for other people. For me, I will get a new one.

Him: Well…

Me: Well nothing. I just paid $400 damn dollars for a new monitor. Don’t even think about sending me some refurbished bullshit.

Him: All right. I guess since you did buy it two days ago we may be able to send you a new one.

Of course, I don’t need to explain how livid I am by then. After an hour and twenty minutes of getting no where, I hang up with the necessary information of where to call to get approval to send my monitor back.

Now, I have no problem with outsourcing. I know that a lot of people complain about it. People say that we need those jobs here in the US. And I get that. But you know, people in other countries need work too. However, if we are going to outsource customer service, then at least find some people who speak English. Is that too much to ask? I don’t enjoy calling AT&T about a problem and getting someone in a foreign country who doesn’t even know that we are having massive flooding in Texas. It’s so frustrating.

I enjoy even less having to dish out thousands of dollars and then have someone with a name I can’t pronounce give me technical support… technical support on an item they have never seen. And they admitted as much! They were looking at PICTURES of something similar. Yeah… no thanks.

Anyway, we have to call back and at this point, I’d rather pluck my eyelashes out.