I’m Fat

by Monique Renae on July 20, 2010


As I walked by a mirror the other day I caught a glimpse of myself and had to stop and look.

There wasn’t anything new, but it dawned on me that I don’t often LOOK at myself. Yeah, I check my face for pimples and frown lines… my mom is nearly 70 and flawless so of course I am trying to follow down that same path. I often check out my gray hairs and am still grateful they don’t freak me out.

I don’t know what it was that caught my eye but  I stopped and stared for about 5 minutes. And then I smiled.

I’m fat.

Like, fat fat. Fat.

Fat.

And while I am not OK with my weight, I am OK with myself.

I can honestly say I am happy in my skin. I am happy with who I am. I am happy with where I have come from. I am happy with where I am going.

Don’t get me wrong, there are indeed things I would like to see changed on my outside… who doesn’t. But overall if this is what I will be like for the next 50 years then that’s fine by me.

When I look around me and see young girls altering themselves to the point where they are barely recognized as their old selves it saddens me greatly. I was once there, starving myself in order to reach approval. Personally I would love to bottle up some of my own self esteem and send it to people like Heidi Montag. And yeah, I know sometimes people just want a different nose, or larger breasts, or sexy calves but a lot of times, the true issue is deep within and one surgery leads to two which leads to three.

A lot of people look at me and assume I am fat because I sit in my house and eat Twinkie’s all day. My own parents do it. They secretly think I park my car at Burger King and eat there all day.  But nothing could be farther from the truth. Out of everyone I know, I eat the least. Taking me to a buffet is a waste of money. I can’t go to dinner without leaving with a doggy bag.  I can’t even finish a 12 oz soda on my own.

They say my body is just pissed off due to years of abuse from me spending my youth being anorexic and then discovering food and then yo yo dieting. Now my metabolism is shot and I am insulin resistant. Go me!

Hopefully, they will figure out the right regimen and I will be able to look like what society deems as “right”. But until then, I am going to continue to walk proud with my head held high, loving myself for exactly who I am.

Just me.

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My Love Affair With Olive Garden

by Monique Renae on July 17, 2010


For as long as I can remember, I have been collecting memories at Olive Garden. I really don’t want this to sound like an endorsement but I can’t help it, I love the place!

I used to think my friends and I chose to go there because the food was good, and while that’s true, we really go because we never fail to have an amazing time. I take my camera to ensure I get a keepsake of  time well spent. Even when it’s just two of us, we have a blast.

Last night I went with a group of 8 and without fail, it will go down in my memory’s  Hall of Fame. The staff was kind and friendly and even put up with our loud, obnoxious, silly behavior.

The waiter asked how we would be splitting up the bill and RoRo told him, it would be three of us, two girls and one guy. He looked a little baffled and she said, “yes, the three of us” while pointing at DH she continued  to say, “he is our husband.” The look on his  face was beyond priceless and it looked like he was about to pass out. He quickly composed himself and admitted that she had absolutely caught him off guard and that set the tone for the rest of the night.1

By the end of the meal we had eaten way too much food and  laughed more than most people do in a week.

This was exactly what I needed after the ridiculous drama-fest involving the mystery gamer aka Joe. When I question whether friendships can last forever, it’s moments like these when I get my answer. One hundred percent yes.

I can’t wait until next time.

  1. plus I now have a sister wife! who knew?!?!? []

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Can Friendships Last Forever?

June 30, 2010

Over the course of my semi long life, I have met my fair share of people. It seems as though a lot of them come and go with the wind. Some of them I became close to but if you were to ask me today what their names are, I couldn’t even tell you. As [...]

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Moving… Ugh

June 15, 2010

So I am finally in the new house. It’s lovely, I am in love, I want to roll around on the floor night and day never leave. However, I can’t. There are boxes upon boxes  upon boxes to unpack and I have about 5 days to make it all happen. We aren’t even completely moved out [...]

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Memorial Day

May 31, 2010

While we are out enjoying the day, whether it be relaxing in the sun or shopping for amazing deals, let’s not forget what today is really about.

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And So We Move

May 24, 2010

I have spent the last few weeks searching for a place to live, finding one, packing up my belongings and dealing with a crazed landlord who realizes he now will have a house that would be best demolished instead of re-rented. Anyway, I won’t complain because I am elated to be moving… to be freeee [...]

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